To hell and back! rewritten
by horseless
Summary: Can a man survive a trip to hell and back? becasue Jack Sparrow is really only a man. After being takne prisioner jack is not the same man. Something from his past haunts him and it's up to his friends to help him before it is to late. full summary inside
1. this is that story

**TO HELL AND BACK**

**Summary - Can a man survive a trip to hell and back?? becasue Captain Jack Sparrow is really only a man. After being takne prisioner Captain jack is not the same man. Something from his past haunts him and it is up to his friends to help him before it is to late. But will Jack let his friends in and give them his trust blindly or can one man suffer to much? **

**This is my new version fo the story. chatpters will be updated one at a time and hopefullly the story will be improved alot. I will be adding new chapters as well whihc will fit with the old story and updated when i get there. Happy reading**

**disclaimer: If i own potc i seem to have mispalced it. Therefore the conclusion is that i dont own it. **

**Chapter 1 – This is that story**

Captain Jack sparrow stood at the helm gently guiding his beloved _Pearl_ through the open water. The sun was setting behind him and the ocean stretched as far the horizon. What would that horizon bring him? To him this was perfection itself, _The Pearl_ glided effortlessly through the water and he felt the connection between them, lost in the moment where he felt true freedom he was oblivious to the fact that he was being watched. After all his crew were asleep they were in the middle of the sea with no other ships in sight. Who would bother watching a man lost in thought?

Anna-Maria and Mr Gibbs watched their captain knowing that beneath his façade he was just a man. A good man, very stubborn and strong willed but just a man none the less. The last year had proved that but he was no less of a man for it. To a stranger the man stood at the helm may appear a little strange but apart from that perfectly content even happy. Anna-Maria and Gibbs knew better. He held slightly more weight on his left leg, his breathing was a little laboured and the sorrow and pain in his chocolate eyes wasn't like either of them had seen before. Maybe one day he would be happy but how far away that day was no one knew.

As Anna-Maria watch Captain Jack her mind wandered. It had been a year since the day which was the beginning of a new chapter of life. A chapter that in time would prove how much life should be valued when it is good because at any moment it may be taken and life may send a man on a tormented journey of pain and sorrow. The darkness that is buried in a mans heart may flood to the surface and consume him, lay him bare for all to see and he can only hope that he is surrounded by those he trusts blindly and who love him enough to put their own lives on the line for him. Otherwise there is little left in the world for that man and the shadows will surround him claiming him as one of there own.

The man in front of her had suffered that pain and torment. His wall had been broken down and he had been left vulnerable. He had experienced more suffering than she had ever believed possible both physically and mentally. Yet he had pulled through, fought the shadows and still learnt that despite what anguish he had endured in the past there were those he could trust. He had found his friends were there when he needed them even if at the time he didn't acknowledge what they meant to him and what he meant to them.

One day the story of Captain Jack sparrow would be more famous than it was today. The world would know of the man beneath the mask and the tale of how he had been found would allow people a few hours escape from the harshness of reality, give them the freedom of sailing the sea and open their eyes to how for the better moments in life to bloom, the worst must be endured and the darkness lessened with a little light.

This is that story.


	2. the darkest circle of hell

**Chapter 2 – the darkest circle of hell**

A year before

Captain Jack Sparrow sat at his deck aimlessly; booted feet resting on the table, an almost full bottle of rum in one hand his compass in the other. It was pointing to what would have been south if his compass gave any details on the true direction of travel. This meant that he was heading in completely the opposite direction to what he most wanted at the moment, whatever that may be. To Jack at that moment this wasn't a promising thought, especially as he'd told Annamaria to make port at Tortuga. Ah, Tortuga. What better place on this earth could there be? Jack knew of only one and for him that place was only a passing dream now buried deep and almost forgotten. Tortuga however was mere hours away and would do just fine. Free rum, free women and no one cared what he did or didn't do - he could drink, gamble, play cards and have a good night or two without anyone giving him a second thought. At this thought the needle on his compass span around and wavered around north. A smile crept over Jack's face – that was better. That was until there was a knock at his cabin door.

'Cap'n', were coming up on a ship, appears to have been damaged in the storm' his helmswoman Annamaria shouted through the door, not daring to come in uninvited. _Obviously learning from the last time_ he thought only half regretting the shock he had given his beautiful helms woman when she had tried to wake him the previous week. Strapping his belt and cutlass round his waist and stuffing two pistols in his sash he strode out the cabin. On deck he was greeted by the sight of his crew, most of them lying on deck in the sunshine simply relaxing. There was no rush to get to Tortuga and though the crew had proved their loyal to him often enough Jack felt it was best to let them be free when they weren't needed for work.

'Get up ye scurvy scallywags' he shouted a few men jumping in surprise

'Run up the white flag let them know we mean no harm'

He was greeted by a bustle of activity each man knowing his job well as _The Pearl _rapidly approached the other ship. There were no cannons that could be seen but though this was slightly odd the ship also appeared to be damaged and while he was a pirate, Jack was not one to just leave a ship stranded. If they didn't intend to harm him he wouldn't harm them, despite his disregard for rules and his path in live Jack Sparrow did have morals and that was one of them.

Jack watched the ship draw nearer. He did admit it must have been a beautiful ship, nothing like _The Pearl_ who, in Jack's mind at least, was the most striking ship in her own unique way. This ship '_The Phoenix'_ he read, was made of much paler wood than that of _The Pearl_ and decorated in red and faded gold. Beautiful yes, yet it didn't have the eye catching elegance of the pearl nor her mysterious demeanour. And he noticed she wasn't designed for speed but neither was she designed as a navy ship would be or a merchant vessel.

Jack was once again pulled out of his thoughts. For a man who acted drunk and relied on wit and his tongue to get him out of most situations he sure did a lot of thinking at times. This time it wasn't by a knock at his cabin door but by the cannon that had just blasted through the bow of his treasured _Pearl_.

'They're blowing holes in my ship' he muttered to himself before addressing the crew. 'Roll out the gun, return fire' and as numerous other cannons appeared from various hiding places he added 'and prepare to board'

Though he preferred not to engage in close fighting he wasn't willing to risk _The Pearl_ who would soon be blown to pieces with those cannons.

When he had brought _The Pearl_ alongside _The Phoenix_ and Jack watched as his crew fearlessly swung aboard and crossed blades with another pirate.

They had been fighting for hours and Jack was tiring, Captain Jack Sparrow he may be but he still got tired and that meant his crew would be to. It had seemed for a while that this was one battle they would not win but glancing round after knocking his opponent unconscious Jack noticed they were now outnumbering the other crew 4 to 1.

'Alright ye fearsome sea dogs go find ye'selves some loot' he told the crew who weren't fighting the last few men. Moments later chests of trinkets and armfuls of swag were being taken aboard _The Pearl_ as Jack wandered down the row of defeated men. He took a few of their pistols but otherwise didn't pay them much attention until he reached one man. His arms were tied behind he back so he couldn't fight and there was a large gash on his arm. He looked up at Jack and spat at his feet.

'well, if is isn't Jack Sparrow, good t' see ye old boy' he said sarcastically only to receive a backhand across the face from Jack

'that's captain Jack sparrow to you, and the only person who wants to see you is the devil himself, Hudson – remember the darkest circle of hell is reserved for betrayers and mutineers.' He replied malice dripping from his words.


	3. trouble in tortuga

**Chapter 3 – trouble in Tortuga**

'Anna, take the helm 'til Tortuga will ya luv' he told his dark skinned feisty helmswomen, earning himself a glare that most men would quail under. But Jack just laughed and strolled off to check the rum store. No pirate should have to do without rum. No one had been seriously injured in the skirmish agaisnt the cre of _The Phoenix_ but after seeing Hudson again after all the year Jack felt he needed to start the indulgence found in Tortuga a little early.

'Alright gents we leave at morning tide and will be returning in three days after a more profitable supply stop' Jack told the retreating back of his crew as many of them practically ran across the gangplank. Jack was pretty lax about where his crew went while they were in port, especially in Tortuga. He himself was just as anxious to go and find himself some rum and maybe a lady. Being the infamous Captain Jack Sparrow meant the whores and occasionally the women in the pirate port fawned over him and he was always sure to have some pleasurable company for the night.

Showing slightly more restraint that his crew, after reminding himself that he was captain Jack sparrow and no matter how much he wanted rum he was not going to make a fool of himself with the simple act of walking off his ship. And sure enough when he was stood on firm ground of the docks the familiar rocking sensation overtook and after swaying madly for a few seconds he let his feet take the well known route to his favourite haunt – The Faithful Bride, trying very hard to walk in a remotely straight line and not fall over.

Jack had always thought it ironic that a Tortugan bar be named The Faithful Bride, for most of the female inhabitants were and probably never would be brides and the few that were certainly weren't faithful. Sure enough most of the crew were already sat down with drinks; playing cards and a few were already mixed up in some of the many brawls. He was greeted by some of the slightly more sober people as he mad his way to the bar requests for rendition of his latest adventure. Obliging Jack got his rum and sat down at his favourite table. People made there way over and he began talking, arms flailing more the more he drank. Later sitting down to watch the game of cards with his 9th mug of rum it wasn't long before another couple of whores were trying to persuade him that they were the one he should spend the night with. In fact he had no intention in spending the night with either of them as he already had his eyes on one young lass, but liking the attention he let them carry on playing with his hair and trailing kisses down his neck.

Eventually pulling himself together he shrugged the women off and managed to catch the girl's eye. She was pretty, dark curls fell around her shoulders framing her high cheek bones and she was far to quiet to be a drunken whore but he didn't once think that he would have any problem enticing her into a room with him. She made her way over to him when he caught her eye again and sat on his lap, arm suggestively round his neck but appeared to be intently listening to the story Gibbs was telling. Surprisingly that was easier than he thought but then he was well known in Tortuga for his well paying needs. It wasn't until Gibbs fell into a drink induced slumber and Anna left that she pulled his face towards hers and kissed him.

He was about to lead her away to one of the rooms in a place he knew down the alley when someone stepped in his path and backhanded him across the face.

'What ye doin' wiv me lass?' a brusque voice questioned prodding Jack in the chest so he took a few steps back revealing the girl who had been hiding behind him.

'And what the bloody hell do ye think ye doing wiv a dirty scallywag?' he grabbed the girls wrist and pulled her away from Jack 'aint I said before bout the bloody pirates.'

The girl muttered something under her breath which Jack couldn't hear but it was obviously something the man didn't like and he turned to her, red in the face and slapped her across the face causing her lip to bleed. Another of Jack's morals was that women should never be slapped, ok so he occasionally given Anna a gentle swipe but she was a pirate woman and he never hurt her. Despite the man's height and weight advantage over Jack he stepped forward in front of the girl.

'I would appreciate it if ye didn't hurt the lass' he said a threatening edge in his voice.

'Ill treat her any way I want' drawing himself up so her towered above the pirate captain.

'Well, i'm 'fraid I can't be having that' Jack responded with a grin, ducking as the man swung a punch at him.

By now a small crowd had gathered to watch the infamous pirate captain fight the unpopular drunken man. Some where shouting Jack's name but others were to drunk to care.

'Can't ye' the man taunted provoking Jack to punch him full force is the jaw. He stumbled back looking shocked. Obviously he wasn't used to being stood up to. 'Didn't know ye were such a coward though, otherwise I wouldn't have bothered'

This obviously angered the man and he lunged at Jack taking him in a headlock and punching him hard in the face. Jack the grin still plastered on his face taunted 'that all ye got no wander the lass don't want ye' biting the man's hand and swiftly escaping the grip before knocking him unconscious with a deft blow round the head. The crowd began to thin and Jack found himself alone in the back alley the girl being led away by an older woman. With a sigh he started to head towards the bar hoping he could find her again. As he walked down the alley he was aware of someone watching him in the shadows. A pirate is always alert and despite his usual drunk performance Jack was always on his guard. It still took him by surprise when someone stepped out in front of him.

'Well, hello Jack me boy' the spiteful voice greeted

'What do you want Hudson?' Jack replied edgily but he was only greeted with a blow round the head similar to the one he had dealt earlier. The man, Hudson, grabbed the back of Jack's shirt and began to drag him through the back alleys of Tortuga towards the docks.


	4. plan of action

**Chapter 4 – plan of action**

Annamaria paced up and down the deck of _The Pearl_, morning tide was only half and hour away and Jack was no where to be seen. There was something nagging her in the back of her mind. Something wasn't right, the ship which had deceived them, _The Phoenix_, had come into port when she brought Mr Gibbs back after he had fallen into a drink induce slumber but now it was gone and their was no sign of her captain. He was always on board before anyone, enjoying the sunrise at the helm even though they were in port. She knew him well enough to know when something just wasn't right and this was one of those times. She had noticed the exchange between her captain and the captain of _The Phoenix; _it was very unusual for Jack to hate someone for no reason which meant this man, Hudson, must have play a part in Jack's shadowed past.

She was going to shoot something if he wasn't back soon; Gibbs had already been out searching for an hour. Though there was nothing official between them other than a captain and his helmswoman there was that spark of something extra. The times when Jack would whisper some joke to her as he took over the helm or when they would stand together at the bow of The Pearl and simply be. Those were the times when Anna felt her whole being warm and he would occupy her thoughts for the rest of the day, a permanent smile upon her face. The sound of someone walking up the gangplank stopped her in her tracks. It wasn't Jack she could tell by the rhythm of the walk and she span round to find Mr Gibbs looking grim.

"He not been seen since last night, apparently being carried back to his ship by a man, who from the description was much alike the captain of the ship we raided yesterday." He told her.

"That bloody bastard" she thought aloud "I knew there was something odd about him. But why does he want Jack?"

"aye, there was something between those two 'n' from what I've heard of that man I wouldn't put it past him to have taken Jack prisoner but as for why I don't think anyone but cap'n' Jack himself can tell ye that lass"

That was true, there was one person who could tell you the whole history of the infamous pirate captain and that was Jack himself. Not that he was ever so inclined. If the subject was ever brought up and not simply ignored the information was little and measured. No detail, no emotion as though if not acknowledged the past would just fade away. But now it looked like the past was catching up with Jack and it could hardly be recalling childhood memories over afternoon tea if Jack wanted to escape it so desperately. Which meant he was in trouble…

"We must set sail immediately and follow them, they haven't much of a head start and this is the fastest ship in the Caribbean"

"This may be the fast ship but The Phoenix has at least 3 hours on us and we can't predict where she will go. Best travel onto _Port Llene_ and inquire as to where _The Phoenix_ makes berth."

Annamaria sighed knowing what the older man said was true it would be more productive to get supplies and have an idea where they may find The Phoenix before gallivanting off into the ocean. But it didn't mean she liked the idea.


	5. help is at hand

**Chapter 5 – help is at hand **

"It's been three months Annamaria with not even a word of his whereabouts" Gibbs was treading carefully he knew the pirate woman was more than just a crew member to captain Jack and he was certain he was more than just a captain to her. He didn't want the feisty pirate woman to let loose her anger on him.

"What do you intend to do? Call of the search? Jack never gave up looking for his pearl so his pearl is never going to give up looking for him." obviously she wasn't in a good mood.

"No, I just think it is time we let the lads loot some and maybe call in a favour at Port Royal."

"You mean the whelp and his bonny lass?" he could see the plan running through her mind. Mentally checking it for flaws and measuring up the risks against the rewards.

"Aye, I do" he told her the grin spreading on his face.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

4 days later Annamaria guided _The Pearl_ into the cove just off Port Royal as the sun set, the crew was well rested at Tortuga and the hold still half full of loot. It would be to dangerous to approach the town during the day, anyone who saw the ship or any of its crew would automatically assume Captain Jack sparrow was in port and Commodore Norrington wasn't going to miss any chance of catching Jack that was for sure. He had an appointment with the gallows on whatever day he happened to be caught which though had happened a few times over the years the appointment had never been met. Thankfully.

So by the cover of night Anna and Mr Gibbs took one of the row boats to shore the rest of the crew lay low on The Pearl who now was a mere mirage to anyone who didn't know she was there. The only difficulty now was finding both Will and Elizabeth without being caught. Creeping along the beach towards the wealthier part of town Annamaria was stunned to see two people sitting on some rocks not far off. Who came down to the beach at this time of night? She wondered, hoping they would move on soon she didn't want to spend anymore time here that necessary – something Jack had taught her – get what you need and make a fast exit. That was until she recognised the people as the figures of Will and Elizabeth. _Perfect_ she thought, they couldn't have made it much easier.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

At around lunchtime that day Elizabeth had entered the blacksmiths shop taking some soup for Will. He would work in there all day and night if she didn't stop him and she really just wanted to spend some time with him now her father had accepted that she loved him and gave his consent to a marriage between them.

"And to what do I owe the honour of such agreeable company" he asked laying his tools down and coming over to her sweeping her into a kiss. She loved how he was so romantic and that he didn't hide how he felt.

"I brought you lunch and hoped that I could drag you away from here for a walk along the beach"

"Now are you sure your reputation wouldn't be tarnish by being seen in public with a blacksmith" he said jokingly

"Hmm" Elizabeth pretended to think about the fact "now you come to mention it maybe I should go and find my pirate friends instead"

"Have you heard from Jack recently" will asked taking off his apron and settling down to his soup.

"Not since his last letter about spending time in Tortuga and how he managed to steal several cutlasses from a blacksmiths shop"

"Luckily Jack values his life much more than a trip to port royal so I have no worry about the shop" he knew Elizabeth was worried about the pirate, it was an occupation full of risk.

"there are still a hundred other ways of him getting in trouble, even thinking about doing half the things he does is illegal. He couldn't stay out of trouble even if he tries which is something he never has the inclination to do."

She was right Jack did seem to be able to fall from one trouble to the next seemingly unharmed. But then the man Jack was and the man Jack appeared to be were different people they both knew that.

"You know how he manages to escape whatever trouble he's in, otherwise he wouldn't be out there pilfering today." He told her but she had caught his hesitation.

"You don't think something has happened to him do you?" she asked

"No, if something had happened we would have heard, after all who wouldn't want to brag about finally catching Captain Jack sparrow." Elizabeth laughed at will impression of their friend.

They walked all along the coast that day, there was no one but them and they were able to simply enjoy being alone together. As the sun was setting they headed down to the beach. Since their adventure across the seas the ocean called to them and the orange glow of the sun set reflecting of the crystalline waters of the Caribbean was so beautiful it could take their breath away. They sat on the beach the warm water genteelly washing over their feet totally unaware that they were being watched. So it was a complete surprise when two figures sat down in front of them.

"Annamaria, Mr Gibbs?" Elizabeth questioned not believing who she was seeing.

"Where's Jack?" Will asked at the same time

"That's what we are here for." Annamaria whispered "Jack's been taken by a certain captain Hudson of _The Phoenix_ three months ago, we don't know why but we need to get him back and we need your help doing it."

"there was a ship of that name in port not two days ago, I'm sure of it" Will told them "the dock master may have more information in his log book as they had some repair to do and supplies were taken aboard"

"Where is his cabin?" Annamaria asked a plan already forming in her mind

"Just on the edge of the docks, we can make and enquiry in the morning." Will told her

"We have to leave tonight, and you need to come with us, get your things but don't let anyone know where you have gone and meet us back here." And she snuck off into the night her pirate clothes and dark skin making her almost indistinguishable from the shadows.


	6. The Worst is Yet to Come

**Chapter 6 – the worst is yet to come**

They crew was pushing _The Pearl_ to her limits, coaxing every last bit of speed out of her and not wasting a minute. The bow cut through the water fluently, her sails bursting with wind and the sun behind her. Only one person could have got more from that ship – her captain the one they were set to rescue. She must have looked a magnificent sight, yet none of the crew thought to spare a moment and wander at the splendour of the ship they crewed. They had been sailing day and night for 2 days the crew eating and sleeping in turns now they had a target there was a focus and it gave the crew a new determination. The atmosphere was tense each knowing in the back of their mind what was at stake – life as a pirate under captain sparrow was a good one and they weren't about to abandon what they had fought for easily. Silently in tune with each other and the ship they neared their destination never doubting that they would find the ship and their captain.

"Ship ahead" everyone froze as the familiar words floated down from the crow's nest. The sun was almost down and they were just coming into port, hoping _The Phoenix_ hadn't moved on already. There was a moment of stillness as the words sunk in. Suddenly Annamaria broke it and grabbed her spyglass and scanned the horizon. Sure enough _The Phoenix_ had dropped anchor just off port, the water obviously being to shallow for the larger ship. Glancing at the shore she noticed a line of row boats indicating most, if not all of the crew was in port and probably half drunk by now. Not every captain was careful enough to leave his ship attended, but not every crew was willing to miss out on a few hours in port to take watch.

"Douse the lamps, and put us alongside" she called to the crew who scurried back into action, silently like the ghost ship she once _The Pearl_ was brought along side _The Phoenix_ with no resistance. The ship appeared to be abandoned and Mr Gibbs thanked whoever made Captain Hudson so careless. Anna signalled for a few men to take guard points before she, Gibbs and Will made their way across, ready at any moment for attack. Without dithering they made there way down to the brig expecting to see their captain lying as though asleep on the floor but they found no one there. Doubt creeping in as there was no sign of Jack, if he wasn't here he was either dead or they had been tricked.

A hacking cough came from the room above. Causing all three to freeze, the gentle hiss as cutlasses were removed from their sheaths cutting through the silence as the blades themselves would cut through the flesh of an attacker.

Wordlessly they made there way back upstairs. This person, whoever they were could lead them to their captain and right now that was what mattered. Annamaria held her cutlass poised in one hand and pushed the door open. Hidden in the shadow her eyes scanned what she could see of the room but found nothing, yet she was sure someone was in the room though she was unable to see them. Cautiously she slipped into the room there weren't many places a person could hide, a small table and chest the only furniture. It wasn't until she noticed a movement in the shadowed corner of the room that she saw him. The sight that greeted her eyes was one bad enough to make her stop in her tracks and the cutlass almost slip from her hand. Mrs Gibbs and Will followed her into the room and from their gasps she was sure they were all equally astonished and appalled at what they saw.

Jack was lying on the floor, huddled in the corner, knees brought up to his bare chest, dried blood caking his skin, fresh blood running down his arms and legs. He was barley recognisable as the captain they all knew and loved, his face gaunt, hair matted and there was a greyish tinge to his once tanned skin. Annamaria walked forward waiting for him to lash out. She knew this to well from when she had tried to wake him once and he had a knife at her throat before she could say her name. he was always on his guard and this experience would have done nothing to lessen his defensive instincts.

Anna stopped a few feet away from him, luckily he appeared to be unconscious, and either that or he had fallen into a deep sleep from pain and exhaustion. Crouching in front of him she reached out and touched his skin. He was burning hot but didn't move away. She swallowed a lump in her throat. How could anyone do this to another man?

'Will, can you carry the captain back to _The Pearl_?' she asked her tone flat when she finally found her voice. It was best not to wake him if possible and there was not a chance he would be able to support any of his own weight let alone walk across the gang plank.

Will lifted the lifeless body easily with no protestation, the only sign that he was still alive the laboured breathing and a slightly groan as will moved the man into a position which would allow them to cross to The Pearl safely. Once aboard _The Pearl_ they set off the way they had come at full speed, wanting to put as much distance between them and that ship, another hell now in Jack's past. Even though they had got him back without a problem Anna felt the worst was yet to come.


	7. Waking Moments

**Chapter 7 – waking moments**

Elizabeth paced up and down the captains cabin counting each second that had passed since her husband, Mr Gibbs and Annamaria had left for the phoenix. Would they find Jack? She hoped so but couldn't help the rising dread that firstly something may happen to Will and secondly what state they would find Jack in?

She felt The Pearl move off and be brought about and knew that the next few second tell her what had happened. The cabin door swung open and she spun around a gasp escaping at the sight. Her husband was fine but the body he carried was anything but. Had they simply brought Jack's corpse back for a proper burial or was he actually alive? The chance seemed slim, she could already see blood staining Will's shirt but as she looked closer she could see the ever so slight rise and fall of Jack's chest told her he was indeed alive even if he was clinging onto life. Will lay jack down on the cot and merely gazed at him for a few moments, the look of compassion in his eyes told Elizabeth how he valued their friend.

Moments later Joel entered the cabin breaking the moment. Joel acted as ships doctor as well as his normal pirate duties although he had admitted that Jack had never allowed Joel to treat him before. He had brought with him medical supplies and soon Elizabeth was helping. Jack only worse his breeches which were ripped at the knee, his exposed torso was a pattern of black and purple bruising with angry red cuts leaking blood down his back and chest. His breath was coming in short gasps as each wound was cleaned with alcohol and then his whole chest bound. Some of the wounds would need stitches but that could wait. He had three broken ribs for which they could do nothing but it was Jack's wrists which startled Elizabeth most. The skin had been rubbed off leaving the muscle exposed and blood stained where they had been resting. Jack was going to have to be careful not to loose any more blood to soon. his left wrist was also fractured luckily it wasn't his right else holding a sword or pistol would have been nearly impossible for a number of months. While Elizabeth had little doubt that Jack could fight switch even the best swordsmen have some difficulty fighting in there unnatural hand.

Joel bathed each wrist in alcohol earning the first sign on life from Jack when he pulled away so sharply he almost hit the cabin wall. Jack's ankles were only slightly better than his wrists and his legs were scared regularly every inch until his breeches. This was the main indicator that whoever had beaten Jack in such a way had planned his methods, he had not beaten the captain as a punishment he had tortured him. By the time joel had finished barley any of his tanned skin could be seen and if it had not been for the sorry state of the captain they surely would have laughed.

It was silent on board _The Black Pearl_ that night, not the intense silence of the past few nights but a sorrowful stillness as each man waited for news. _The Pearl_ was the soul of their captain and he was the soul of _The Pearl_, without him it just wouldn't be the same. Annamaria sat by the jacks bed, watching the steady rise and fall of his chest just to reassure herself that he was still alive. They had been taking it in turns keeping watch over him watching him thrash around as he was tormented in his sleep, fever made him delirious and all they cold do was keep him cool and hope it broke soon. She had hardly slept since they had been chasing _The Phoenix_ but now she new he was at least safe tiredness overcame her and she fell asleep where she sat beside him.

Later Jack felt himself becoming aware of the world around him, he ached all over but it was easier to breathe and he felt better than he had in a long time. He held someone's hand in his own, looking up he saw Annamaria sitting on the floor beside his bed, she looked so peaceful asleep he thought, far from the spirited pirate woman he knew but beautiful none the less. With this thought he let himself fall back into the darkness that was surrounding him.

'_Jack, my friend, ready for another little chat?' Mathew Hudson asked Jack who was lying in a heap on the floor where he had been left earlier that morning. _

'_Sorry mate, I'd love to go over old times but its just about time for me afternoon nap so if ye don't mind id rather wait' he may be the one on the floor but he wasn't going to let Mathew walk all over him._

'_Unfortunately for you mate on this ship I am the captain and when I say we talk we talk!' Mathew was easily infuriated by the younger mans consistent witty remarks. 'String him up' he told a big brute of a man who stood behind him._

_With no flicker of emotion on his face the man pulled Jack to his feet by his chained wrists before punching him hard in the stomach winding Jack and giving the man a chance to hook the chain over a beam on the ceiling. Jack's entire weight now rested on his shoulders, rusty irons digging into his already damages wrists and Jack felt the hot copper liquid running down his arms. _

'_Where is she Jack' Hudson asked the same as he did every time he decided it was time for a chat. _

'_Problem is my Spanish is terrible and I just can't remember the name of that port' Jack lied seemingly undaunted by the fact that he was hung from the ceiling completely at Mathew Hudson's mercy._

_His face turning red Hudson nodded to the man and Jack felt the pain run up his back as a red hot poker was pressed to his skin and removed before he could black out._

'_Wouldn't be so clever if it was one of ye crew up there would ye? What about the darling Miss Swann?'_

'_So the stories have even reached your giant ears have they Mathew?' Jack ignored the question but only earned himself another dose of pain. _

_He bit hard on his chapped lips to stop himself screaming. He wouldn't give Mathew the satisfaction of knowing how much he hurt nor how much he feared for those that he dared care for. _

_On and on Hudson went each time Jack's answer wasn't the right one and each time he was taken to within an inch of unconsciousness before being brought back. Eventually Hudson got bored and turned to leave; Jack still hung from the ceiling, and he let his guard down a moment to soon as a dagger struck him in the back. Mathew's cruel laugh rang from the doorway as he screamed. _

Jack let out a bloodcurdling scream, sat up, eyes wide open in fear. He breathed deeply; clamping his eyes closed, waiting for the pain and dizziness to subside. It took a moment for him to make sense of where he was, he no longer felt the clumsy bob of The Phoenix beneath him, rather the comforting smoothness of The Pearl. A gentle hand guided him back to the pillows but he didn't want to sleep again. Wasn't living though it one enough, or did these demons have to invade his sleep as well. When he looked over this time in was Elizabeth who sat next to his bed.

'Lizabeth, what ye doin ere?' The sound was barley more than a croaked whisper words cut short as the effort drained his energy.

'How are you feeling Jack?' she asked ignoring his question.

'bloody awful' he told her. And Elizabeth knew he was defiantly in a lot of pain to be admitting it.

'Would you like some water?' she asked not waiting for a response as she filled the glass 'don't gulp it down you'll make yourself sick' she told him. But as usual he either didn't take note of the warning or acted against advice and as soon as she had lifted the glass to his lips he downed it in two huge gulps. Sighing Elizabeth held the bucket out just in time to avoid an unwanted mess as Jack threw up, though as his stomach held so little it was soon painfully dry heaves which racked through his weakened body. Eventually, after what seemed like hours Jack lay back against the pillows and groaned before falling into a deep sleep.


	8. Thoughs and Dreams

**Chapter 8 - thoughts and dreams**

A scream filled the silent night air and the crew stopped. What could have happened to their captain to make him scream like that? It was chilling to the bone. The crew had tried to sail as normal, an easy relaxed pace, but the night time antics had stopped, men turned in for the night early, proper conversations were held, thought and feelings discussed. Learning about each other, live past and future hopes, though so different united in one respect – their respect for their captain who was currently living a nightmare. The crew of The Black Pearl had never been 'normal' pirates and at times like this it was even more apparent but they still lived to pilfer, the open water calling them to have their liberties one of those liberties being the chance to forget.

Captain Jack sparrow was well known for his adventures as sea and characterised by his charm and wit, yet there was another side to him that was rarely glimpsed. Apart the stories, most of which were only laced with truth, nothing much was known about Jack sparrow. Who the man underneath the façade was, few people knew, Jack was never open to anyone, never trusted anyone and never told anyone more than they needed to know so he got his way. Whatever demons had made this man who he is, ones he had buried so long ago, were the ones causing him pain now.

Jack's fever had spiked, he had laid in a cold sweat for the past day and night. Alternatively so hot the heat from his body could be felt radiating off him then shivering, skin snow white and teeth chattering unable to get warm under a mound of blankets. The sun was shinning on the deck and many men found some spirit as they worked, but in the darkness of the captain's cabin a dark skinned woman mood was not touched by the cheerfulness. She hummed gently half to herself, songs of her childhood, she would have never thought then that she would be here now, but she knew that life took you on your own journey and you could never predict the way the path would lead.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

The darkness crept over him: the thinnest of veil separated this world from whatever came after. But he could not move on before he knew she was safe. _She walked away form you mate_ a voice told him _she doesn't need you and she most certainly doesn't want you_. _Why would she? You are_ the_ man who took away her closest friend and killed her. Why should she care about you?_ He was back in his childhood home, merry music floated through the air laced with the smell of cherry blossom and baking bread. He was happy and warmth flooded through him. Until it all fell around him the music turned haunting and the smell of rotting flesh reached his nostrils, the trees withered in front of his eyes. Was this death? If he let go would he be here like this is a bleak world of nothingness? The heat rose around him consuming him till it was so hot it turned ice cold and he screamed. Some one was humming, he concentrated on the sound, it was pulling him back from the desolate place of nightmares, and it was drowning out the pain.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

Anna watched Jack toss and turn in his unconscious state. It was hard to tell when he was unconscious and when he was just sleeping. Either way the only sign of life from him over the past few days had been the violent thrashing as he fought the demons in his mind. Until he stopped, his hand which was held in her turned cold, she kept on humming a tune her grandmother had taught her, hoping to calm him. Gradually he skin warmed and his eyelashes fluttered open chocolate orbs so deep and meaningfully unclouding before he spoke.

'Am I dead?' he asked

Anna somewhat bewildered by this question felt it best to answer truthfully

'I wouldn't let that bastard take you from me Jack'

She saw the corners of his lips curve to a smile. He looked better than he had since they had rescued him from _The Phoenix_.

"You used to be innocent, now ye 'av' a pirates tongue" he told her almost laughing before a harsh coughing took over

Anna remembered time before caring for Jack though he had never been as injured as this, though once it had been close.

The coughing died down and slowly he let he battered body fall against the pillows, "rum" he croaked in between laboured breaths

It was Anna's turn to smile – no matter what Jack would always be a pirate through and through. She sat him up slightly and half fed him some water laced with rum and a mild sleeping potion.

It was a sly trick to pull on a pirate captain but annamaria knew Jack and despite his stubbornness he was no going to overcome his injuries if he didn't sleep and that was one thing he would avoid doing at all costs if only to avoid the nightmares.


	9. just a dream

**Chapter 9 – just a dream**

Slowly becoming more aware of himself and the world around him Jacks mind cleared of the sleeping potion and he began to asses what damage Mathew had done in his mind, testing each joint and muscle in turn. His ankles both itched terribly and he could still feel the phantom shackles binding the tighter tightened until his bones felt they were being crushed. He knew there were scars on his legs from the heated sword Mathew had pressed into his flesh but apart from that and a lot of stiffness in his knee joints his lower half seemed relatively unharmed.

His chest and back however just hurt, a lot; there was no isolation of the pain to allow him to find the cause of injury so moved on. Both wrists were bound – the bandages limiting his movement and on his left was a leather guard which suggested a fracture. Damn Mathew.

Few people knew that Jack had been left handed in his youth and still preferred that hand when fighting. However the unnaturalness had led him to be taught to use his right hand for everything and it was easier to fight an opponent using the same hand as they did. Now he could fight equally well using either hand after long hours of practice following his wrist had been broken not long after he began pirating.

Coming out of the drug induced haze he felt like his whole body was on fire pain tearing at every limb, no matter how he moved it wouldn't leave him alone. He wanted to cry out but held it back if Mathew was somewhere he didn't want him to find out his favourite toy was ready for playing with again. And then he remembered. Elizabeth had been here, or had she. He had seen annamaria many times in his confused sleep in the past three months was Elizabeth the same – just his brain playing on his tiny glimmer of hope?

Even his brain seemed to ache from thinking, his thoughts muddles unsure if what he had felt and seen had been true or not. He lay still letting the movement of the ship calm him – it felt like the pearl, much smoother than The Phoenix but he had had so many dreams about waking up back on the pearl he couldn't be sure. He knew there was only one way to find out – raising his hand to shield his eyes he remembered the heavy weight and inflexibility of his bound wrist and he felt a lurch of anticipation – either someone in the shit hole was helping him ( which seemed very unlikely) or he was indeed back aboard his beloved pearl. Slowly opening his eyes he found the dimly lit room to be no where but his own cabin.

He let a small smile grace his lips but it quickly faded when the door opened, the sun blinding him momentarily and the creak he had thought was almost non existent causing his already aching head to pound. He quickly moved his arm to shield his eyes and regretted it as pain shot down his arm and he felt a steady thumping in his shoulder telling him he had not made a good move. A barley audible whimper escaped him.

"oh god, Jack your awake" he heard before the door was closed again leaving him in the darkness with his pounding head and aching body. He didn't want to sleep knowing what horrors it would bring and he fought the urge to let the darkness take over him again.

He was contemplating what he should do now if not sleep when to door opened again. This time he managed to muster enough strength to mutter

"Bloody hell" as the pounding in his head increased once again. But this time the door was quickly shut and he let his eyes open again. If they were going to keep opening and closing the door and making his head pound they could at least bring him a drink. However he couldn't see anyone in the cabin so it was quite a shock when he felt his bandanna push back and a cool cloth on his burning head. Immediately at the contact he flinched back until he remembered that he was no longer on The Phoenix.

He looked up and could barley make out a pair of dark eyes in the darkness, then he realised why he hadn't seen anyone

"Anna" he mumbled, she was dressed in black breeches and shirt her dark skin and hair making her barley visible to his slightly clouded eyes.

"Broke the code" he told her, not that he wasn't exceptionally appreciative that she rescued him but it was a big risk getting him back off The Phoenix.

"I'd never leave you behind Jack" she said just as he drifted back off the sleep, the effort it took just to whisper the few words he had done draining all the energy from him.

She grabbed the folded up blanket from the end of the bed and placed it on the floor to act as a cushion before sitting down with a book she had begun to read. She knew how bad Jack's nightmares could be at any time and she was sure this ordeal wouldn't help to soothe his sleep. She would stay with him until dinner and make sure he didn't do anything stupid.


	10. back to reality

**Chapter 10 – back to reality**

_Mathew's anger had been increasing every second until almost boiling point "Where's your little pirate whore??" he yelled again _

"_not a pirate whore" was all Jack could manage to answer, his back burned with the thousands of lashes he must have received, his shoulder were begging to have his entire weight removed and his hand which were strung high above his head were tingling with lack of blood. _

_Truthfully Jack dint know where exactly Mathew would find Annie the little maid who had helped him escape after Elinor's death. She had stayed until Jack had recovered and then he had left her with quite a lot of gold in a nice port so she could make a life for herself. Even if he knew he would never tell Matthew about the little maid who had helped him so much after his world was shattered. _

_He came out of his thoughts to find Matthew almost in his face. _

"_You tell me where she is or you pay the price" his anger was now quite, smouldering and all the more deadly yet still Jack gave no answer. _

_He felt a hand around his throat and Matthew began to choke him, unable to breathe, the blackness clouding the edge of his vision he made one last attempted to get Matthew away from him and hit lucky, Matthew staggered back from him, bent double leaving Jack gasping for breath. _

When his vision cleared he found he was not bound and tried to move only to come crashing to the floor. That was strange there was nothing to fall onto the floor off of but it sure hurt a lot. Taking a moment to let the pain subside he found himself being lifted and placed once again on a soft surface.

"Just a dream" someone told him in a familiar voice

"Bootstrap?" he questioned. "Bill Turner?"

"No Jack, its William, his son." A look of confusion came across jacks face so will found it hard not to laugh.

"The crew picked me and Elizabeth up from port royal about a week ago to come and find you" he elaborated seeing as Jack was finding it hard to grasp the concept. He dipped the cloth from Jack's forehead in a bowl of water and wrung it out before replacing it. Noticing when he did how much heat was radiating form his friend. He would have to talk to Annamaria about stitching some of jacks wounds as the blood had already began to seep through the bandages.

All through this Jack had been laying still, breathing heavily so that will thought he had fallen into another slumber and turned to the door

"Don't" called a voice in the dark, Will turned unsure weather he was the one being addressed.

"In case they come back" Jack told him. What could have happened to drive a man who showed no fear, had confidence in abundance and never needed anyone to be afraid of simply falling asleep with no one there? But then Will did not know the power a man's dreams have over him.

He sat for a hour, going over the events of the past year or so in his mind, watching Jack fight the demons in his dreams. It was just beginning to get dark when the door creaked open. Jack froze and started shivering at the sound and Will heard the audible gasp he knew came from his wife.

"Is he ok?" she asked still standing in the doorway

"I expect he will be in time, at the moment he's half delirious and has a major fever coming. We just have to do everything we can for him and the rest is up to him"

"I will sit with him for a while, you should get something to eat." She told him

"Fetch annamaria and Mr Gibbs first, there are some things we should talk about." She nodded he head and retreated from the room, knowing that in his own way he was almost as stubborn as Jack and wouldn't take care of himself until his friend was safe at least.

A few moment later she returned with Annamaria and Mr Gibbs, Anna promptly took up her previous perch beside Jack muttering apologises.

"I think we should set up a watch rota" suggested will getting straight to the point

"Its probably best not to leave him alone at least until he can call for one of us if he needs help and until he is sleeping better" Annamaria gave him one of those looks which suggested she had had the same problem previously.

"And we are going to need to stitch some of those wounds" he carried on unsure what to make of everyone's silence.

Finally Anna nodded, her consent the one he ultimately needed, as thought Gibbs was first mate and Anna only quartermaster Will had quickly learnt the Anna was the one the crew looked to when dealing with the Captain.

"we'll let the anchor down tonight and ill stay with him " she told him " Elizabeth can take over after breakfast, then Will you can take over again after lunch that way Gibbs is free to handle the crew. Stitches can be done tomorrow afternoon when we are in safer waters" She finished with her normal quick decisiveness. A general murmur of agreement rang through the room and everyone left, leaving Annamaria with her captain and his nightmares.


	11. healing begins on the outside

**Chapter 11 - healing begins on the outside**

The fourth night since Jack had been rescued had been an uneventful one as was the day that followed. The crew was working at a leisurely pace cheerful enough but not a noisy ruckus. They we well into safe waters by the time the lunch bell sounded. Here there was little threat form the navy or other hostile pirates and Gibbs gave the crew a well earned afternoon off. The rum was opened and card games sprang up on deck amongst other things. Turning to go below Gibbs sighed heavily. It had defiantly been a hard week and it defiantly wasn't going to easier soon.

It seemed to Gibbs that he had been in Jack's cabin for more times this last week than he had for the past year. Jack was rarely in there himself but for while it would be his prison, something they would all know about when he was more up to complaining. He sighed again remembering why he was in there now. Jack who seemed to have some of his energy back was lying on the bed talking to Anna who seemed to be taking up all the concentration in his slightly unfocused eyes. From what he could catch of the conversation she was trying to get him to lie on his stomach and prepare him for what was about to happen.

Joel and Elizabeth were by the desk a number of needles already attached to some thread were lined on tray; it seemed that Elizabeth was going to be helping Joel who was looking quite nervous. He had been the ships doctor of sorts for a while now but had never treated Jack. Some wounds they would need to cauterised but most of them would need stitched both particularly unpleasant tasks. Gibbs only hoped that most of the crew would be to loud, too drunk or both to hear anything and wonder what was going on. Jack would hate it if any of them saw them patching him up.

Gibbs was pulled from his musings by the ringing sound of someone being slapped. He glanced to where the noise was coming from and saw Jack looking rather taken back and Anna rather surprised that she had actually slapped Jack. Looks like it had worked though as Jack struggled to sit up. Quickly Anna removed the bandages covering his torso and tied his hair away Jack half heartedly grumbling all the while as if just to make his point that even if he couldn't do anything else he was still going to be stubborn. When he lay back down he looked so alike to a child who didn't get his won way Gibbs found it impossible to hold back his laughter though he quickly regained control with one glare. He wasn't going to be Jack's favourite person for a while after this and he didn't want to make it any worse.

This was where Gibbs played his part having stitched while conscious was a particularly excruciating process and however strong the mind may be set against the pain the body would always betray the mind to escape form the pain but doing so at the wrong moment could make the situation a whole lot worse. There fore it was Gibbs job to make sure Jack didn't or if the need arose couldn't move. Place one knee across the slighter man's lower back and holding his shoulders he looked up to Elizabeth and Joel who hesitantly began there work. When the needle first entered the skin he felt rather than heard Jack gasp and prayed that he would be forgiven for causing the man yet more pain.

Three hours later the last wound had been stitched and the burning iron they had used for cauterising. They were all exhausted. Many times things had gone slightly more than wrong firstly with Jack throwing up what little he had drunk earlier, then once he had finally fallen into unconsciousness and had less control over himself he had fought to get away from the pain and the nightmares. It certainly wasn't something Gibbs wanted to repeat again anytime soon. Finally now Jack was lying quietly and everything had been cleared away Gibbs felt it was defiantly time for some rum and a good nights sleep.


	12. what a man may do

Chapter 9d – what a man may do

"But he got over the fever the second night he was aboard you told me so yourself" Elizabeth yelled, she wanted the old Jack back, the one who would tease her and make her angry but win her back with his charming ways and puppy dog eyes.

"Even jacks luck doesn't run to having all those wounds and not one of them getting infected". It was a statement of fact Elizabeth couldn't understand how annamaria could speak about someone she cared so deeply for with such a seemingly uncaring way. That was until she looked into Anna's eyes see there all the emotion that was just below the surface a torrent of feeling that if unleashed would take forever to tame. Anna showed no emotion for if she did, she would be able to hold nothing back.

"I'm sorry" she mumbled not wanting to add her burden to the ones her friend already carried.

"Not to worry, get some sleep you look like you could use it, I had better take over from you husband"

However no matter how hard she tried Elizabeth could not sleep, she could hear Jack trashing about not far away yelling something incomprehensible to a person who existed only in his mind. Elizabeth decided to see if Annamaria could use the company.

Quietly slipping out of bed she found some breeches and padded barefoot to jacks cabin. She pushed the door just slightly ajar not wanting to disturb anything that might be happening inside. What she saw surprised her, Jack was frightening Annamaria with as much vigour and strength as he would have possessed at any other time. Yelling at her in a foreign tongue words that Elizabeth didn't understand.

_The four attackers came in closer taunting him with the tips of their blades, he couldn't see them the blindfold over his eyes making him rely on his other senses to block the attacks but the came to fast and frequent he was in a frenzied world of his own, attackers everywhere, he could do nothing to stop them. Yelling at them in any language he could remember begging them to leave him be, to kill him and end his torment now. But they didn't stop he felt the blades on his flesh burning hot drawing the darkness around him to shield him form the pain and he felt it. One attacker let there blade linger to long, the natural animal instincts rose inside Jack and he lunged pushing the man to the floor his hand finding his neck. _

"_Jack, its ok" the attacker said and he faltered. His attackers were silent using the pain they caused him to send there message and this was a woman. _

The irregularities pulled him from the memory and he found himself on the floor of his cabin Annamaria beneath him his hand still tight around his neck, the world swam in front of him as fell to the floor beside her, tears falling down his face. How could have killed her. Not bothering to move he pulled her close, a shaky hand caressed her check and ran through her hair.

"I wont let them hurt you Jack" she told him as his breathing settled into a rhythm once more the strength he had found in his delirious state vanishing. Only then did Annamaria notice Elizabeth at the door. The two simply stared for a few moments before Elizabeth tentatively entered the cabin. Even in the half light she could see the red mark left by Jack's fingers around her neck. What had been in his head to make him do such a thing?

"Are you ok?" she asked Annamaria

"Aye" Elizabeth thought she would leave it there with no further explanation but she carried on "not the first time something like that has happened and I doubt it will be the last"

"But why? Why doe he do it?"

"His dreams take him to a different place, sometimes the past, sometimes somewhere only he knows, he doesn't know he's not here, and he has no control over what he is doing. Why do you think the cabin is locked whenever he goes to sleep?" This was not something Elizabeth had noticed during her previous times on The Black Pearl, in fact Jack didn't seem to sleep at all as though just the sea air was keeping him alive.

"This isn't just because of the fever?" she questioned

"No, it's just worse. The first month I was aboard the pearl I was told to deliver something to Jack's cabin, Jack was in here asleep, I tried to make no noise but one of the floor board creaked and before I could move and inch he was behind me with a knife at my throat." During the little story Anna had been carefully manoeuvring Jack into her arms and onto the bed.

"Oh my" Elizabeth exclaimed imagining the shock which annamaria must have had

"My own fault, should have known better. I've known Jack since he was 19, knew some of what he had been through and a bit about him but was just to naïve to think that it would be all over, for him it will never be over. "


	13. sing to me

**Chapter 13 – sing to me **

_People were surrounding him, their dark forms barley visible in the darkness but the sense of hostility emitting form them made Jack know they were not his friends. They were coming closer appearing as if by magic from the shadowy corners of his vision. Taunting him, teasing him, words stinging like daggers all over his already aching body. He wanted to simply fall unconscious and let the darkness surround him but in this place of nightmares there was no escape. He could not move and no one would rescue him from this desolate place where a man's sins are left exposed._

_The pain was increasing as they came nearer, he could not remain here it was to much for one man to bear but he was all alone, soon they would devour him and he would become one of them, a lifeless shadow of his former self. Was this his penalty? Was this the price for leaving his first love to die? For the freedom he treasured so dearly?_

_He could see them now faces of transparent white, eyes dark and hollow, Matthew, his father, the gang, Barbossa, his old crew, the navy man, those who had betrayed him, who had made him go through so much were back to avenge there own deaths. He closed his eyes silently wiling them away, hoping to simply find that place in his mind where no one could reach him. That's when he heard it. Quietly first _

_**Imba wimbo **_

_**Wa upepo**_

He focused on it wrapping the words and music around him

_**Wakati unaji wan a **_

_**Imba wimbo**_

_**Wa upepo**_

_It was like a fire around him, the shadows shied away from it returning to their own world_

_**Wakati ndoto tamu**_

_**Lala mpaka usiku uisheni**_

_He was floating away leaving the hellish place far behind and returning to the living. How grateful was he for that music that had saved him so often from his nightmares. Little Annie how he loved her. _

Upepo wa usiku

Wimbo wanko na

Wimbo wangu inaendelea milele

Annamaria sang the song she had all those years ago when she was a naïve young maid caring for the heartbroken pirate boy. It had seemed to help then and she only hoped it would help now she couldn't bear seeing him in so much pain. His heart may still belong to Elinor but the fact was she loved him and wanted him to be alright. She would be alright as long as he was still her friend, nothing mattered more to her than his friend ship and if that was as far as the relationship was going to go she was ok with that. Captain Jack Sparrow was an intriguing and complex man, he was totally unpredictable and almost unreadable, so much lay beneath the surface and one could never be sure of his reasons but he was that type of man who is of far greater value than they are given credit for. He had suffered so much she could only hope that this was not the time that pushed him over the edge; she could not bare to see such a life lost because of the stupidity and spitefulness of one man.

He had once told her that he could endure whatever torture he was put through because he knew that while he was being tortured no one else was. But now she did not know if the torture would ever stop. His ability to present a person so different to who he was convinced most people that he truly was the care free roguish pirate legend but when she saw him at night alone with his nightmares she was made painfully aware of his vulnerability and humanity.

She started to sing again, the song from her childhood comforted her and Jack, letting the gentle sound of the lullaby heal their wounds and free them from the pains and fears of life for that mere moment.

Imba wimbo

Wa upepo

Wakati unaji wan a

Imba wimbo

Wa upepo

Wakati ndoto tamu

Lala mpaka usiku uisheni

Upepo wa usiku

Wimbo wanko na

Wimbo wangu inaendelea milele

A/N: bit of a filler chapter quite heavy on the thoughts, hope you weren't to overwhelmed

For those of you who want to know the song is called wind song and I believe it actually was on the film 'mighty Joe young' about the giant monkey – very sad, brilliant film. It is an African song and the translation is as follows

Sing a song

For a moment

You will be visited by the wind

Sing a song

For a moment

Dream sweetly of the wind

Sleep no until the night is dawn

The wind and the night song, they are there

How the song my child will go on forever.


	14. the problem with thinking

**Chapter 14 – the problem with thinking**

Slowly the days went by and the captain of The Black Pearl healed on the outside at least. His fever raged and fell, wounds became scars and deliriousness gave way to the steady sleep of the body healing. Gradually Jack Sparrow regained his wit and stubbornness until it was generally agreed that it would be impossible to keep him practically locked in his cabin much longer. Cabin confinement didn't suit Jack, he always longed to be a part of whatever was going on, the feel the wind and the sun. The only times he appeared half happy was at night when he and annamaria would sit together for hours doing nothing in particular just being and when the new cabin boy was sent to amuse him. He had ventured as far as his desk with will's help but for the adventurous pirate captain this wasn't enough and his patience was wearing thin.

The sun was shinning bright on the mid day of the fifth week since his rescue but the captain's cabin was darkened by a drape over the window. Despite the late hour the bed was still occupied by one of its residents thought he was not asleep. Instead he lay staring at the ceiling just thinking. Normally Captain Jack Sparrow did have much time for thinking; in fact he purposefully made his days busy to avoid it. But in the past couple of weeks thinking was all he had been able to do and he was annoyed with it. Annoyed at his weakness, annoyed at the nightmare which still plagued him and most of all he was annoyed that he had thought that maybe things would remain in the past.

Thinking often ended up with memories which he would rather keep forgotten resurfacing and there was nothing he could do about it. He longed to feel the sun on his face and the wind in his hair, the sea stretching as far as the horizon in front of him. Well he may not be able to stop the nightmares but he could certainly stop the thinking he decided. Today he would get up and leave this prison whatever the price.

It could be a tough road. Will and Gibbs would probably be busy on the ship so he wouldn't have any trouble form them. Anna would not argue much she knew him too well to put her heart into it but Elizabeth would give him trouble he was sure of it. She was a stubborn as he was when she set her mind against something a trait he normally valued but today would just be a pain. So the plan was to sneak out of the cabin and up to the helm. It would get at least a few hours until anyone came with his lunch and realized he was gone. Judging by the darkness of the cabin it wasn't even mid morning yet.

He began to stretch his unused muscles to get them working again and remembered the pain when he had simply walked to the desk. Would his body let him get as far as the helm? No he wasn't going to think like that. He wanted to steer his ship so that is what he would do. No fear and no doubt, that's what made things happen. Confidently swinging his leg out of the bed he fought off the dizziness which overcame so quickly he didn't notice the door open. When he opened his eyes he was looking straight at Annamaria.

"What do you think your doing?" she questions the anger in her voice countered by the softness in her eyes.

"Thought that was obvious luv."

"You, Mr Sparrow are staying right where you are" and she pushed him back onto the bed

"Please Anna" he begged with puppy dog eyes he knew she could resist

"its fine by me" the words were not even out her mouth before he was sitting up again, though it appeared that even this was a challenge as the world spun in front of him, clamping his eyes shut, Jack breathed deep and let it pass.

'but Elizabeth will kill you if she see's you, in fact she will kill me for not telling her that you are awake, she's quite something that one – all the crew are scared of her. Stay there until I get back' She told him firmly seeing Jack now open his eyes and swing his legs out of the bed. As soon as she had gone out the door Jack let out a groan. Sitting had hurt a lot more that he had anticipated but he wasn't going to let them know that. He reached for his boots and managed to slip them on without aggravating his sore and swollen ankles. Eventually when he was fully dressed, he leant back against the wall breathing deeply eyes closed against the pain. But he was Captain Jack sparrow and he wasn't going to let anything stop him from being at the helm of his ship. Least of all a scumbag like Mathew Hudson.


	15. childhood memories

**Chapter 9 – memories past, feelings present**

When Annamaria Elizabeth and Will finally returned Jack put of a brave face.

'Waiting for you lot is worse that watching paint dry' he told them holding out a hand so Will could pull him up.

His legs unused to carrying weight almost buckled beneath him and he would have found himself on the floor had it not been for the young mans supportive arm. After some of the pain had subsided he took a tentative step forward, gradually he made it to the cabin door with Will only standing next to him incase.

Finally he reached the helm his breathing laboured and his face pale, only his immense stubbornness had got him there. While cross the deck there had been a few times when as the world began to spin again he had thought that he would simply fall to his knees but he didn't. He was Captain Jack sparrow and a simple thing like walking to the helm wasn't going to beet him. With a sigh of relief he excused Gibbs and stood gazing out to the horizon. He was totally obvious to the looks of confusion most of the crew were sending in his direction. The façade was almost to confident to be possible, there had been no confrontations, no anger at confinement – it wasn't right and they wondered how long it would last because their captain had been through so much and yet had shown no signs of how he normally coped with such situations.

Jack had stood at the helm all day, mostly gazing out into the horizon but still joining in with the light hearted banter that flew around the ship as men worked. Occasionally his mind drifted though and he found himself wandering _Why had Mathew turned up now?_ He knew the crew - Anna, Elizabeth and Will in particular wanted an explanation, wanted to understand what was happening. Wasn't him living through it enough why would he want to inflict the pain he felt on other, others that dare he admit it he cared for. He had lived the past 13 years by himself, only needing his ship and his freedom. No one had ever meant to him what she had.

'Jack, are you coming for dinner?' Elizabeth asked. She had asked the same at breakfast and lunch but he refused now as he had refused then. He had grudgingly accepted the meals provided for him in his cabin as not to earn a longer sentence but now he was quite alright here at the helm of his ship, yeah his leg were hurting and his physically ached all over, unable to move a muscle without pain shooting through him but he would rather be here then in the gallery trying to carry on as though nothing happened knowing each and every single person wanted to bombard him with questions and secretly looking at him with pity.

'you know Jack, we are all here if you ever feel like talking' she told him 'you don't have to go through this alone' he flashed her a forced gold a white grin knowing it would make her feel better.

After she had gone he found his mind wandering off again. Somehow the whelp and his bonny lass had managed to get to him in a way no other person had for years. He found himself caring for there well being, taking into account their opinions and feelings. When you care about someone, showed them your inner self it gave them a great power over you. and Jack knew only to well how that power could be used to break a man down. Breaking down a man's barriers and hurting them the way no one else would. He had let Mathew do that two him when he was young and didn't know the how cruel the world could be, but still he had gone ahead and laced trust in a crew only to have them turn against him. How long would it be until he discovered that he had once again misplaced his trust in the young Mr Turner? he doubted that either will or Elizabeth would turn their backs and blatantly do something to hurt him yet it was the accidental hurt by that scarred the deepest.

Later that evening when a darkness was creeping over him like the night that was closing in Jack gave orders to drop anchor and staggered to his cabin, he legs threatening to collapse beneath him with each step but it wasn't until he reached his cabin that he let himself practically collapse into his bed where he fell into a haunted sleep.

_Jack snuck down the street to the docks. In two days time he would be 13 and though he would come down to the dock like he did every night, that night he wouldn't be returning. The sea called to him, filled most of his waking thought and all of he dreams. A merry laughter filled the air and Jack screed up his eyes to make out two figures in the darkness. A boy not much younger that Jack held onto his father's hand who was laughing at something the boy had said. As they passed the place Jack was hidden he could see the adoration in the boys eyes as he looked up at his farther. How Jack had dreamt for a life like that. For so many years after his mother's death e had lay awake at night preying that his farther would help him pick up the pieces. That had been long ago before he had somehow enraged his farther by being out to late which had earned his 5 lashes with the belt and since then the smallest thing done wrong of the wrong tone of voice left him with many scars and bruises from being beaten. He had promised his mother he would care for his farther and for the past 5 years he had fulfilled that promise but now he couldn't take it anymore. He didn't want to be here, where people passed on by looking at him like he was the dirt on their shoe not caring about anything apart form their own perfect lives. _

_When the pair were long gone Jack left the cover of his hiding place and silently ran down to the docks. He sat with his booted toes in the water gazing at the newest ship in the docks. 'The Black Pearl' was the most beautiful ship he had ever seen. To most people she was nothing special with none of the intricate detail of other ships but Jack was memorised by the mysterious air which hung about her. One day he wanted to captain that ship, he would not become one of the royal navy though, he had become to used to serving only himself to take orders form others again, letting them push him down a path in life and seal his fate. Besides that ship wasn't to remain here in England, the Black Pearl was on route to the Caribbean. A place far away from the suppression of England, where the sun shone all day and from everywhere the sea was could be seen on the horizon. But to Jack what mattered most was that the Caribbean was the capital for pirates. What better way to spend a life Jack could not think of, what adventures he would find there he could only dream of. His mind set on chasing his dream he wandered the streets back home._

Jack was brought crashing back to reality when he awoke, his muscles screaming at him not to move, his head pounding. He reached for the rum besides his bed and gulped down half the bottle, some of the pain dissipated and he stumbled out his cabin only stopping to grab his hat on the way.

Annamaria was stood at the helm effortlessly guiding the ship on to the bearing he had told her the previous day. But before he could reach her he was stopped in his tracks by the young blacksmith.

'How ya feeling this morning' he asked cheerfully

_Why could people just leave him alone? _Jack thought. Already angry due to his aching body and inner demons he lashed out at will. Shoving him roughly aside he yelled

'I'd be a lot better if people stopped asking that' before starting off towards the helm again hoping Will would have enough sense not to follow. But he did.

'It's only because we care Jack' he told the pirate, who turned on him, utter madness shining in his eyes.

'And why would you bother doing that eh? Caring for me, i'm nothing but a good for nothing pirate, out for no one but me self!' the quite rage in his voice more dangerous than his previous yelling. Seething with anger he strode off leaving a shocked Will behind.


	16. Taking Orders

**Chapter 15 – childhood memories**

When Annamaria Elizabeth and Will finally returned Jack put of a brave face.

'Waiting for you lot is worse that watching paint dry' he told them holding out a hand so Will could pull him up.

His legs unused to carrying weight almost buckled beneath him and he would have found himself on the floor had it not been for the young mans supportive arm. After some of the pain had subsided he took a tentative step forward, gradually he made it to the cabin door with Will only standing next to him incase.

Finally he reached the helm his breathing laboured and his face pale, only his immense stubbornness had got him there. While cross the deck there had been a few times when as the world began to spin again he had thought that he would simply fall to his knees but he didn't. He was Captain Jack sparrow and a simple thing like walking to the helm wasn't going to beet him. With a sigh of relief he excused Gibbs and stood gazing out to the horizon. He was totally obvious to the looks of confusion most of the crew were sending in his direction. The façade was almost to confident to be possible, there had been no confrontations, no anger at confinement – it wasn't right and they wondered how long it would last because their captain had been through so much and yet had shown no signs of how he normally coped with such situations.

Jack had stood at the helm all day, mostly gazing out into the horizon but still joining in with the light hearted banter that flew around the ship as men worked. Occasionally his mind drifted though and he found himself wandering _Why had Mathew turned up now?_ He knew the crew - Anna, Elizabeth and Will in particular wanted an explanation, wanted to understand what was happening. Wasn't him living through it enough why would he want to inflict the pain he felt on other, others that dare he admit it he cared for. He had lived the past 13 years by himself, only needing his ship and his freedom. No one had ever meant to him what she had.

'Jack, are you coming for dinner?' Elizabeth asked. She had asked the same at breakfast and lunch but he refused now as he had refused then. He had grudgingly accepted the meals provided for him in his cabin as not to earn a longer sentence but now he was quite alright here at the helm of his ship, yeah his leg were hurting and his physically ached all over, unable to move a muscle without pain shooting through him but he would rather be here then in the gallery trying to carry on as though nothing happened knowing each and every single person wanted to bombard him with questions and secretly looking at him with pity.

'you know Jack, we are all here if you ever feel like talking' she told him 'you don't have to go through this alone' he flashed her a forced gold a white grin knowing it would make her feel better.

After she had gone he found his mind wandering off again. Somehow the whelp and his bonny lass had managed to get to him in a way no other person had for years. He found himself caring for there well being, taking into account their opinions and feelings. When you care about someone, showed them your inner self it gave them a great power over you. and Jack knew only to well how that power could be used to break a man down. Breaking down a man's barriers and hurting them the way no one else would. He had let Mathew do that two him when he was young and didn't know the how cruel the world could be, but still he had gone ahead and laced trust in a crew only to have them turn against him. How long would it be until he discovered that he had once again misplaced his trust in the young Mr Turner? he doubted that either will or Elizabeth would turn their backs and blatantly do something to hurt him yet it was the accidental hurt by that scarred the deepest.

Later that evening when a darkness was creeping over him like the night that was closing in Jack gave orders to drop anchor and staggered to his cabin, he legs threatening to collapse beneath him with each step but it wasn't until he reached his cabin that he let himself practically collapse into his bed where he fell into a haunted sleep.

_Jack snuck down the street to the docks. In two days time he would be 13 and though he would come down to the dock like he did every night, that night he wouldn't be returning. The sea called to him, filled most of his waking thought and all of he dreams. A merry laughter filled the air and Jack screed up his eyes to make out two figures in the darkness. A boy not much younger that Jack held onto his father's hand who was laughing at something the boy had said. As they passed the place Jack was hidden he could see the adoration in the boys eyes as he looked up at his farther. How Jack had dreamt for a life like that. For so many years after his mother's death e had lay awake at night preying that his farther would help him pick up the pieces. That had been long ago before he had somehow enraged his farther by being out to late which had earned his 5 lashes with the belt and since then the smallest thing done wrong of the wrong tone of voice left him with many scars and bruises from being beaten. He had promised his mother he would care for his farther and for the past 5 years he had fulfilled that promise but now he couldn't take it anymore. He didn't want to be here, where people passed on by looking at him like he was the dirt on their shoe not caring about anything apart form their own perfect lives. _

_When the pair were long gone Jack left the cover of his hiding place and silently ran down to the docks. He sat with his booted toes in the water gazing at the newest ship in the docks. 'The Black Pearl' was the most beautiful ship he had ever seen. To most people she was nothing special with none of the intricate detail of other ships but Jack was memorised by the mysterious air which hung about her. One day he wanted to captain that ship, he would not become one of the royal navy though, he had become to used to serving only himself to take orders form others again, letting them push him down a path in life and seal his fate. Besides that ship wasn't to remain here in England, the Black Pearl was on route to the Caribbean. A place far away from the suppression of England, where the sun shone all day and from everywhere the sea was could be seen on the horizon. But to Jack what mattered most was that the Caribbean was the capital for pirates. What better way to spend a life Jack could not think of, what adventures he would find there he could only dream of. His mind set on chasing his dream he wandered the streets back home._

Jack was brought crashing back to reality when he awoke, his muscles screaming at him not to move, his head pounding. He reached for the rum besides his bed and gulped down half the bottle, some of the pain dissipated and he stumbled out his cabin only stopping to grab his hat on the way.

Annamaria was stood at the helm effortlessly guiding the ship on to the bearing he had told her the previous day. But before he could reach her he was stopped in his tracks by the young blacksmith.

'How ya feeling this morning' he asked cheerfully

_Why could people just leave him alone? _Jack thought. Already angry due to his aching body and inner demons he lashed out at will. Shoving him roughly aside he yelled

'I'd be a lot better if people stopped asking that' before starting off towards the helm again hoping Will would have enough sense not to follow. But he did.

'It's only because we care Jack' he told the pirate, who turned on him, utter madness shining in his eyes.

'And why would you bother doing that eh? Caring for me, i'm nothing but a good for nothing pirate, out for no one but me self!' the quite rage in his voice more dangerous than his previous yelling. Seething with anger he strode off leaving a shocked Will behind.


	17. the wonders of rum

**Chapter 16 – taking orders. **

The rest of the crew had noticed the exchange between their captain and the young blacksmith and had let him storm off to the helm in peace. They all knew of Jack temper and none of them would like to be on the receiving end of it - that was a pleasure usually reserved for some unlucky being that had annoyed Jack beyond belief. Normally Jack would disguise his anger with a mask of drunken stupidity, witty remarks, normal charming ways and a self confidence which bordered on arrogance but when there was no one around, nothing else to focus his anger on he would withdraw into himself becoming sullen and pity was taken on whichever fool decided to disturb him.

So for the day captain Jack sparrow was allowed to wallow in his thoughts at the helm of his ship. One hand on the wheel keeping him upright and the other clamped tightly around a bottle of rum which when emptied was simply replaced with another. The lack of food meant the alcohol had a quicker than usual effect on the pirate and by late afternoon he was on the verge of consciousness, swaying wildly as the ship rolled with the ocean. Annamaria watched closely him as she had done since his return from _The Phoenix_. She had known him longer than most of the crew and knew a little of his past. She was also not fazed by his temper as most of the crew were, and so it was up to her to find someway of snapping him out of the dark mood which surrounded him. the drink had not made him loud and entertaining man he normally was, up for anything and ready for a laugh but had only served to muddle the thoughts in his brain into a tangled web lacking sense.

She made her way to him careful to make sure he was aware of her presence before getting to close. Experience had taught her how to handle her captain and startling him by sneaking up behind him wouldn't be a good start to the conversation.

'Jack?' she questioned tentatively unsure of how he would react.

'How many times do I have to tell ye Luv? It's Captain Jack.' A distinct slur in his otherwise exasperated voice. His eyes never left the horizon, despite his drunken state he had know she was coming the moment she set foot on the quarter deck.

'Do you want me to take over the helm captain?' she emphasising the word captain. 'So you can get some rest'

'What happens if I don't want to hand me ship ova ta ye? He turned now anger blazing in his eyes 'if I wanted ye to take her id ask savvy? And ill decide when I rest despite what the whelp might think i'm not some invalid who needs watching every minute of everyday from dawn till dusk.' He grabbed the rail as he was almost thrown off balance.

'He was just cares about you, give the man a chance. He came to help find ye despite what repercussions he may face on returning to port royal and ye act like he was no one but some cabin boy ye picked up in Tortuga.'

'What reason would ye be caring for me, now eh? I'm just a good for nothing pirate, making me life by lying and stealing. Me, me rum and me ship are fine by our onesies savvy? Caring for us will only get ya killed' he was mere inches form her now; she could smell his liquor laced breath and see into the depths of his eyes. In them she could see years of pain, tortured, deceit, regret and a deep seated sorrow never to be dislodged.

Anna sighed; he could twist the conversations in endless circles until he was where he wanted. He was a master of words, talking a lot yet never revealing much of what was beneath. But he couldn't go on like this forever. He was not wallowing in self pity as many would have assumed but distancing himself from those around him for reasons she could only guess. Taking a deep breath she lifted her hand and dealt him a sharp slap across his left cheek. Despite the fact that the blow was a gentle one he gasped in pain, the sudden movement of his muscles causing a ripple of pain throughout his body. She knew it would hurt him yet she knew this was pain he could deal with and get over and in the long run for him the pain now would save him much in the future.

'Now, I could order your removal and have you locked in the brig but I trust you are going to cooperate and not let such measure be taken. You, Jack sparrow are going to your cabin, eating something and going to get some rest, just because you don't want to be cared for doesn't mean your friends are just going to stop looking out for you'

Not saying a word, he simply walked away downing half a bottle of rum as he went.


	18. memoirs on a pirate

**Chapter 17 - the wonders of rum**

For once captain Jack sparrow didn't have the strength to argue so he simply walked away. The past two days had taken everything out of him. His ankles were angry red where his boots irritates the exposed flesh, the wood used to help his arm mend straight limiting his movement. To him one of the worst things was staying still, letting others care for him and his ship, he needed to know what was happening how else had he managed to get out of so many unfortunate situations over the past few years.

Normally he would protest eventually managing to manipulate the situation to get what he wanted, a skill he had learnt long ago. But today that will to fight wasn't there, he didn't feel the buzz that pushed him to places he had never been before, to try and go that one step further, breaking through boundaries and reaching new limits.

He nibbled at the bread, cheese and biscuits someone had left in his cabin, but the food just felt like rubber in his mouth and forcing himself to swallow wasn't worth the effort so he slumped down into his chair and stared at the box on his desk. It was small enough to hold in one hand yet for Jack it contained more that could fit in the world. It had lived on his desk amongst the clutter ever since he had become captain of The Pearl.

_Jack was rudely awaken by a pair of rough hands dragging him from his bed by his ankles. He hit the floor with a hard bump jolting him awake. Before he could begin to stand he was beaten down again a sharp sting around his legs telling him that once again he had done something wrong. What he did not know and did not dare question. He had learnt that asking questions or protesting in any way only earned him a more severe beating so he lay there as time and time again the belt buckle made contact with his already battered body._

"_You insolent child, lying thieving scoundrel, you've been stealing again." His farther yelled at him "you aren't some scum living on the street, in this house you respect those above you and earn what you need" these were harsh words coming form the mouth of a man who spent every penny he earned on drink leaving Jack to scrape together whatever he could just to put food on the table. _

_He had been locked in his room for the remainder of that day. Jack didn't like being caged like an animal and his mood swung violently form anger and loathing to brutal depression, but his mind was set. The whole world was just beyond the port, waiting for him to explore it and bask in its magnificence. When he was sure his farther was out the house. The lock was picked a sack slung over his shoulder; he was almost out the house before he thought about it. The small wooden box, decorated simply with patters of deep gold and red, it had been his mothers. When he was younger after a day at school and helping her around the house or in the vegetable patch behind the house she would tell him stories in front of the fire. And sometimes if he was lucky allow him to peek at the treasures inside the box. He had snatched it up before making it to the docks as fast as he could without fear of being seen. Just as the light had been fading he stepped on board the black pearl for the first time having only mere moments to enjoy her beauty before hurrying down to the full hold. _

That box contained his past, which until now had been buried. Why had Mathew come back and reopened old wounds? He downed the rum left in the bottle stood and threw it against the wall rage taking over only to be conquered once again by pain and grief. The sudden movement made his head swim and he staggered over to his rum cabinet and uncorked another bottle.

Later that evening Annamaria and Will went to check on their captain. The loud bangs and tinkling as glass smashed had stopped and they hoped that now he had fallen asleep. Cautiously peering round the door Annamaria signed looking at the sorry state of Jack. Sprawled on the bed a half empty bottle of rum still clutched loosely in his hand.

"He must have passed out" said will breaking the silence whist also stating the obvious

"It's no wonder." Anna told him "he's been drinking all day and hasn't eaten a scrap of food and the fact that he has probably been stone cold sober for the last few months probably didn't help."

"He knew this would happen. He was drinking to numb the pain. He thinks he can escape whatever demons are chasing him by drinking himself unconscious" Will thought aloud. Annamaria was glad to hear the blacksmith had grown up since they had last met and now seemed to have some understanding of the less pleasant side of life.

"Aye, ye probably right there" she told him "but what I want to know is what those demons are. He has hardly spoken since he got up. Normally he doesn't shut up – always some witty and inappropriate comment."

"And for once captain Jack is going to be the one giving the answers. Otherwise he is going to find that having a blacksmith on the ship is unluckier than having a woman aboard. Now may I suggest that you get some sleep you look tired and I don't think Jack will be causing much trouble for a while"

Reluctantly Annamaria agreed and left for her cabin. Feeling which she thought she had managed to burry had be brought to the surface since bringing Jack back from The Pearl. He had always been more that just a captain to her, at first a friend but when those feeling had become something more she didn't know. But they had. She had never felt for a man the way she felt for Jack. Events in her past taught her to be one of them rather than let a man have control over her. But Jack only thought of her as a friend. He would never need her.


	19. A Pirates life for me

**Chapter 19 – a pirate's life for me**

That night Jack broke out into a fever once again. Elizabeth wasn't sure how much longer the pirate's battered body could take this sort of punishment. Once again it was her turn to sit by his bed watching him toss and turn. When he had fallen unconscious from the rum no nightmares had haunted him which was probably exactly what Jack had intended.

"I didn't do it! I wasn't me I swear it wasn't! He suddenly yelled at her, she made to comfort him but he drew back pressing himself against the wall. She touched his hand gently and he gasped as if expecting a blow but when it didn't come he relaxed, opening his eyes his chocolate brown orbs gazed up at her.

"Elinor?" he asked. Elizabeth was slightly bewildered.

"No. its Elizabeth" she answered but Jack was already asleep.

When Jack next awoke The Pearl was anchored and there was silence on deck, it was night and as no one was exactly sure of where Jack was heading apart from a general direction they travelled little while he was unable to be at the helm. He was still flushed with fever and his head pounded. He groaned aloud before realising he was not alone. He was never alone these days.

"Evenin' Will" he said without even looking at the figure in the corner. It always amazed will that the captain was aware of everything around him without seeming to look.

"Hope your feeling well Jack." He said "because I think its time we had a little talk."

Jack groaned and slumped back on the pillows willing himself to fall back asleep but now he was awake he felt such a surge of energy that he couldn't settle so rolled over to face Will.

"I got nufing to say" he said simply.

"But that is where you're wrong Jack." Will replied his voice steely hard yet without a trace of anger.

"Just leave it. Alright?" Jack reined in his emotions and drew his barriers around him but the look on wills face crumbled them down. It was just like the time he had told the story to bootstrap. He was the only other living being who knew what had happened and it had taken a fair bit of persuasion for Jack to open up to him. And here was his son, giving Jack the exact same look as his old friend had so many years ago. He sighed, the look on his face softening as he flopped over and stared at the ceiling. Will thought he was just going to ignore his presence but it wasn't long before Jack spoke, His voice barley more than a whisper.

"Me ma died when I was just 8. We were living in England back then, by the docks in Plymouth." Each word was carefully thought out, he hadn't even told bootstrap everything and he wasn't so naïve now. "I cared for me farther as much as I could. Everything was fine for a while – people pitied us so helped when they could. But he began to drink away what he earned. Still didn't stop him expecting food on the table and clothes for his back. I started stealing, just this and that at first but then it was anything. I dint care what I stole or who from. But then I got caught. That was the first time it happened. I got 20 lashes with his belt and he never caught me again. But after that he never stopped. Anything that went wrong I got blamed for; he hit me with whatever was nearest."

His breathe was coming in short gasps like inside he was sobbing though on the surface he face was a mask. Once began it was easier and he just carried on, the words tumbling form his mouth as he relived the time of his life suppressed for so long.

"I began to slip out at night; the sea had always calmed me, made life seem more bearable. I had a dream you see. I dreamt of freedom, exploring, truly being me own man. What better life to lead than that of a pirate. I had been planning me escape for months. I had fulfilled me promise to me ma all I had to do was choose a ship. Then The Pearl docked. She was just as beautiful then, mysterious; I fell in love on the docks that night. She was a navy ship headed for the Caribbean, leaving port in a few days. I felt happy for the first time in what seemed like forever. And I showed it, I was reckless in my bliss. That was my first lesson and it was one hard learnt. He caught me stealing and I paid the price. I price I wasn't willing to pay anymore, so I upped and left. I spent 3 days hiding in the hold of The Pearl my plan lasting no longer that getting out of port undetected." His eyes were now unfocused as he forced himself to stay awake, a cold clammy sweat breaking out all over his body.

"You can tell me the rest tomorrow" Will told him. Jack simply nodded, rolled over and slept. Will placed a cold cloth on his head hoping to calm the raging fever. He waited until Jack's breath was even and shallow before leaving the room. He would tell the others what Jack had told him and maybe between them they could piece together the man they all loved.


	20. a good man

**Chapter 20 – a good man**

By the time Jack next came round it was the middle of the night and he was freezing. Night was one of Jack favourite times which was probably one of the reasons he normally stayed up late only sleeping for a few hours in the morning before rising again in time to watch the sun rise. He dressed quietly as not to disturb anyone who may be watching him and grabbed a blanket from the bed when he shivered violently. He remembered wills last words before he drifted off - _You can tell me the rest tomorrow – _would he remember and expect Jack to delve into the past again and surrender his best kept secret.

He stood gazing to the horizon until the first rays of light emerged tingeing the crystal Caribbean waters with red and orange. The colours dancing on the water was one of the most beautiful sights he had ever seen. It only warmed him briefly however and no matter how beautiful there was still a place in Jack that was untouched by the light. Still a place within him where, even he dared not go. When he could stand the cold no longer he snuck back in to his cabin and tried once more to sleep. No one would disturb him then, and he knew pulling off the inevitable would make the pain no less but maybe the inevitable wasn't so unavoidable after all.

10 minutes later Jack was still awake and felt terrible. He was cold inside but his skin was burning, he break out in a cod clammy sweat only serving to chill his bones further. No matter what he did he couldn't get warm, couldn't sleep and couldn't stop the past replaying in his mind. He has been tossing and turning trying to drift off but to no avail, and it was, he decided, the reason for Annamaria to come and disturb his misery. When she first opened the door he was unable to see her, the sun behind blinding him to her features. Yet he knew it was her, he had spent to long watching the way she moved for him not to know. She simply stood in the door for a few minutes before disappearing. Hoping she wasn't going to do something like bring will and Elizabeth, Jack sat up pulling the blanket over him so he could at least try and put up a fight. However there was no need for this defensive action as moments later Annamaria entered alone and shoved a bowl of porridge into his hands.

He had not eaten a meal in days and the food felt like cardboard in his mouth but under the eagle watch of his first mate half the bowl was finished. It warmed him slightly but still he could not sleep. In the end Annamaria climbed into the bed next to him to give him the warmth of her body. Slowly he began to loosen; muscles once coiled like springs relaxed and he stopped shivering. His arm snaked around her waist and his breathing shallowed though he didn't fall asleep. Annamaria had never let herself get so close to her captain before in fear of where it might lead. Fighting her way though a man's world had been difficult and she had learnt of the sacrifices she would have to make to survive. The greatest sacrifice yet was feeling how she felt for Jack and yet every day burying it deeper and hiding it from him.

"Jack, who was Elinor" she asked. She knew it was not her place to question him and he may just push her away. But for some reason she felt a burning desire to know Jack and understand him. Jack sighed. It seems all he ever did these days (apart from getting into trouble) was sleep, sigh and stare out at the horizon while guiding The Pearl. He had never thought that he would be able to hold Annamaria like this and at once he felt at home and a rush of calmness rushed over him. He knew he felt something for her but what he wasn't quite sure of. Would he ruin what they had by telling her of the only person who he had truly loved. Was it love he felt for her? It wasn't the overwhelming love he had felt for Elinor from the moment he first met her but could love creep up on you when feelings of friendship become so mush more?

"Elinor was my fiancée." He told her subconsciously hold her a little closer so she couldn't run. Not that she intended to.

"I'd manage to hide aboard The Black Pearl since she left England, dodging the navy men and other passengers until we were but a week's journey from the Caribbean…

_Jack heard the pounding of feet on the floor above. Navy men ran out on deck preparing for battle. Jack stayed hidden. He didn't know ho the enemy was or what they wanted. Could they be the pirates he had always dreamed of meeting and joining? The battle seems to rage for hours yet Jack dared not move to find out. Eventually silence reigned. The clashing of swords had died down and gun shots no longer pieced the air. Occasionally an order would ring out and the sound of men as they scurried to obey. By the words spoke Jack could tell these men were pirates and he both dreaded and longed for the moment they would find him. Would they let him stay and work for his keep or see him as one of the navy men they fought with such brutality? Despite his yearning for the life of a pirate Jack knew that rare was the sight of a good pirate. Most were ruthless murderers, scoundrels thieving whenever and whatever they could, killing whenever necessary. They would not hesitate to kill him to if they saw he was worthless. _

"If the ship which had attacked The Pearl had been any other ship that would have been my life" Jack told Annamaria "the thing I would have last remembered would have been my father, belt poised ready to beat me, his deep voice already beating words into my skull. But I s'ppose lady luck dealt me a fair hand as who else better to find me than old bootstrap and the captains boy. This wasn't your run of the mill pirate ship - yes they were pirates – but pirates can also be good men. On that day I swore that no matter what enemies I made and what revenge I may seek I would remain a good man.


	21. love and lies

**Chapter 21 – love and lies**

Jack took a deep breath. He had never forgiven himself for the pain he must have caused his one and only friend when he accused bootstrap of taking part in the mutiny. After becoming part of the crew which took over The Black Pearl Jack had worked his way up the ranks and bootstrap was always there for him. There had only been one time before when they had let something, or rather some one come jeopardise their friend ship.

It was common for the pirate ship Jack called home to make birth in port Lucinda, the place was bustling with merchant sailors and it was easy enough to sell on any good they had plundered and get supplies cheap. Jack, bootstrap and the captain's boy – Joseph were simply allowed to do as they liked. Most of the time this was doing a bit of plundering of there own, to them good food and a trinket or two to call there own was what the other men had in whores and rum. Jack, of course, was a master. He knew how to charm people, innocently distract them or leave them befuddled while he took something with them none the wiser.

It was also Jack who first thought of the idea that they could trade what they stole, not necessarily for other goods, but for the services of other men. Why should they help the lowest of the crew load the ship when it was easy to pay someone else to do it? It was this 'buying' of men's services that lead to the meeting between Jack and Mathew Hudson. Over the years Jack often considered if it was his own nature, how his mind worked, which lead to events which gave him both his most joyful memories but also his darkest secrets.

The boys had often called upon Mathew Hudson to do the menial tasks they didn't want to. he was known to be a honest man, who worked well and liked to earn what he could and not just lake liberties. After one day of hard labour , about 4 years since Jack first joined The Pearl, which was rewarded with quite a high payment Mathew Hudson had invited the boys back to his house for afternoon tea. It was then that Jack first realised that Mathew knew little of who they boys were, who they worked for or how they made a living. Pirates didn't have afternoon tea; it was a thing for working men not scoundrels. However have afternoon tea, was what those pirates did. And for Jack afternoon tea could have been much worse. For what more could he want? The tea was refreshing, the scones a good meal and with Hudson's beautiful only daughter, Elinor, singing melodiously on the garden swing, completely unaware of the people around. Jack's eyes couldn't help but keep wandering back to watch her.

She wasn't stunning, dirty blonde curls were pinned away from her face, she was slender but most would consider her lacking, she wasn't ugly, he skin wasn't marked and she wasn't fat, she was simply plain. Jack, who was used to the front on attack of the prostitutes in Tortuga or the snotty daughters of higher class men thought the plain girl a sight for sore eyes. And found himself wandering what it would be like to know her. That was one wish that came true for Jack, as after that time having afternoon tea with Mathew Hudson became a regular occurrence. At first when Elinor joined them Jack found himself tripping over his words as a strange felling clocked hi, his eyes subconsciously coming to rest on her whenever she wasn't looking and quite often when she was. He wanted to be around her, to make her laugh and share in her joy, to be her shoulder to cry on and take her pain away. It didn't take him long to realise that he had found something that the confines of society stole from most people - he had found love.

It took about 18 months for jack to earn to money to buy Elinor a ring. He worked whenever he could. Honest work as his love for her was true. In that time the love and friendship Jack shared with Elinor blossomed. In her Jack had found everything he had never had at home, everything he had almost given up on, love, friendship, security, and acceptance, she knew he was a pirate though Mathew was still ignorant to the fact. Jack had never told him a down right lie and if asked the question directly he would give a straight answer. But he didn't take the time to correct Mathew's assumptions for in his opinion Mathew must be blind not to have noticed that the black pearl was no merchant vessel. But what a man could ignore when he didn't want to acknowledge the truth was to become apparent to Jack some years later.

If Mathew found out how Jack lead his life ion the open sea, Jack had no doubt that he would be no longer welcome and he would loose what he considered the most precious things in his life. The love of a father which Mathew had slowly become to him and Elinor. A woman he loved and who loved him for what he was inside and not the stereotypical pirate. She gave him the courage to follow his dreams when times were rough and though since joining The Pearl he had never spent more that a few days on land, the times he spent with her never failed to put a smile on his face. He had never been happier nor had he soul ever felt so free. Weather he could go back to living in one place, on dry land he did not know, maybe he could if she was with him but she never asked him to give up his freedom for her. But would she still marry him? That was the question Jack asked himself now.


	22. Sometimes the truth hurts

**Chapter 22 – sometimes the truth hurts**

For many days since Jack had first mentioned his past his moods had swung as violently, all the little things around him reminded him of something may it be a time of joy or the sheer terror of other experiences this would undoubtedly take him on a journey, reliving his past. He didn't sleep for fear of the nightmares that so often left him crying out into the darkness, he didn't eat and would remain silent for hours on end. Annamaria couldn't decide weather this captain was worse that the one they rescued from The Phoenix who at least let glimmers of the old captain fight their way to the surface.

Both Annamaria and will had told Elizabeth and Gibbs what they had found out from Jack and there was hope that, maybe, between them, they could find out a bit about Jack's past and help him overcome the demons he fought. He had awoken from a disturbed sleep in one of the worst moods Annamaria had ever seen him in. normally the pirate saw the bright side of everything, there was no need for the sullen demeanour which now clung around him, but the memories of the past had consumed him, taken him back to a time he would much rather forget even if he could not forgive himself.

"Nothing can get though to him" Will told the others. He had stood at the helm next to Jack for the best part of an hour trying every technique he could think of to get a single response to no avail. "Half the time he isn't even aware of anything and the rest he doesn't even respond" he signed and slumped into a empty bench in the gallery.

There was silence for a while and when someone finally spoke it was Annamaria, her voice as though her mind was far away

"There are something's that you burry, hide them from the world, not wanting to inflict the pain you felt upon others. I've known Jack a long time now and still no little of where he came from and his life before being the captain of The Black Pearl. We know that talking helps, but to him tell us, even the people he calls friends, his secrets is like dragging us down to the depths of hell with him." Her eyes lost their glazed look and focused on will once more " one time a few years ago now, Jack was shot, for a few days he lay in tormented fever and I spend a fair few hours watching over him. He would mumble incoherently in his sleep but something he said I heard loud and clear. At the time I didn't understand what he meant of who he was talking to it was just ramblings, but after learning what I have this week of Jack's past I understand. He said "wait for me in heaven, like you waited for me here."

He was talking to her. She's dead now and I bet you my part of the next plunder that Jack has lived thinking it was his fault. "

Elizabeth looked shocked. Jack had to be around 30 now. So that meant he had been living for the past 10 years thinking that it was his fault that the only person he had truly loved was dead.

"but that still doesn't explain why Mathew Hudson came after him now, 10 years later." She raised her query. "From what Jack has told us he was friends with Mathew and even if he did play a part in the death of his daughter what could make a man torture a friend in the way Jack was tortured?"

"13 years" Annamaria corrected "Jack lost Elinor when he was 19"

"Didn't you say you knew Jack when he was 19? Were you there when this happened?" something had clicked in Elizabeth's mind – two bits of information joined to make the possibility of something so far fetched more likely. There was a long silence as Annamaria didn't answer. Will was the first one to speak.

"Explains why he's so bloody untrusting though doesn't it? First his own father turning on him, then someone he thought was a friend and then of course there was Barbossa. "

"You've missed quite a few out there mate" everyone spun around to see Jack leaning against the doorframe. "And how come you are all talking about the captain of ye ship behind his back eh?"

"We are only trying to help Jack. We know you and Mathew were friends but our impression was that you were very much enemies. How did it turn to that Jack?" Elizabeth almost pleaded with him but it worked and with a slight hesitation Jack sat down

"We were due to be married in the autumn. To us the marriage was just to let everyone else know what we both had known for a long time – that we were true to each other in mind body and soul. I will never love another in the same way I loved her. When we docked in port she was waiting for me as usual. I could never hold back the smile when I first caught sight of her, looking so innocent, as I knew she was really as mischievous as I. I stayed at her father's house every time I visited port. In Elinor I had found true love and in Mathew I had found a father. Later that evening we were sat having dinner. Me, Elinor, Mathew and john Elinor's brother. He was a merchant and wasn't often home. I had met him a few times before but never really got to know the man. Of course talk soon turned to his last voyage and john lost no time at all in telling us all about the savage beasts which ransacked the ship.

"Pirates" he said "not fit to be called men, each and every one of them should burn in hell".

And that's the first time I felt fear tug at my heart. What would he do if ever he found out of my work. Mathew disliked pirates but this young man barley older that I, he loathed them, despised them. You could hear the hatred in his voice as he spoke of them. Mathew may beat me and send me away but john would rip me limb from limb without hesitation.

"Do you know the name of the ship that attacked you?" Mathew asked and I felt my blood turn cold. How slight was the chance?

"The Black Pearl" he answered. I had been thinking about it since he first mentioned how everything of value on the ship had been taken before the ship was set alight and only a few men survived to tell. It was one of the pearls ways. Fight if needed, take anything we wanted and set it alight. And we had chased a ship down not far from port.

The look in Matthews's eyes told me that he was no fool. He knew I worked on The Black Pearl and now he knew The Pearl was a pirate ship. This meant I was a pirate. One of those good for nothing scoundrels he detested.

"That's your ship Jack. The Black Pearl." He told me this as if it was something I didn't already know. Where there was once a soft affection in his eyes, they now burned with hatred. But before he could do anything john broke in.

"You mean that you're letting a thieving murdering criminal marry my sister" he yelled he gave his own father a neat right hook to the jaw. But then his anger turned to me. Later that evening I left the place I had become to call home. Left my love and one of the few friends I had. Since then I have heard nothing of Mathew Hudson or had any relation to his family."

With that Jack got up and left without another word but something in his voice left what he hadn't said hanging in the air.


	23. Gunshot

**Chapter 23 – gunshot**

Jack didn't know if he would ever tell them the truth. But he knew that before telling them he needed to sort his own emotions out. The tension had got too much. He felt crowded, the emotions pushing in from all around, forcing him to notice them when all he wanted was to forget. Only once he was safely in his cabin with the door shut behind him did Jack allow himself to collapse onto his bed, the storm of emotion he had struggled to keep at bag letting itself known as silent tears rolled down his face. He lay like that for a while, totally consumed in the emotions which betrayed him. His body soon followed, the strain of everything tiring his battered and sleep deprived body and he fell into a deep sleep.

_After yelling at his father, john turned on Jack. Madness in his eyes he grabbed the unarmed pirate and beat his fists were flying as Jack tried to fight back but he could not. The older man was much bigger and stronger that he scrawny pirate. And soon Jack was on the floor, relentless punches shooting pain through his skull, blocking out most of what was being yelled at him. _

_Mathew stood watching, how could he have been deceived. Well at least now the filth was getting what he deserved. Then he left for the comfort of his home. Elinor grabbed john around the waist trying to pull him off. But she was no match. However the mere annoyance was enough to make the man filled with rage turn on her. He grabbed her long hair pulling her back towards him, leaving her helpless to resist him. _

"_You little whore" he screamed at her "no better than him are you? Not worthy of living"_

_The weight having lifted off his chest and the pain subsiding let Jack open his eyes only to see john holing his pistol to Elinor's head. He tried to move to stop him but it was all to easy for john to send him to the floor with a well placed knife in his side. He remained conscious just long enough to hear the gunshot which ended his love's life. _

A gunshot sounded. The sheer terror of the moment awoke Jack. But his mind was still half in the dream. Every instinct told him to run. And he did. Stumbling thought the door of his cabin and up the helm. The track his feet knew so well he followed it on auto pilot. What he was running from he didn't know. As The Pearl lurched he fell to the deck. Smacking his head on the wooden rail and knocking himself into unconsciousness.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

It wasn't until later that night when Elizabeth was wandering the deck unable to sleep that she found Jack. Still lying where he had fell his wrist bend awkwardly against the wooden rail. She gasped, partly in shock for what misfortune had now befallen the captain but partly for how vulnerable he looked. As though he walls had come crashing down and what was left was the man inside. Silently she ran back to the cabin she shared with will and rose him explaining the situation before going to find Anna and Gibbs.

The next problem was how to get Jack to his cabin. Past experience had taught them how dangerous Jack could be in sleep and how when unaware of his surroundings he would not take the chance if felt threatened. However the chance had to be taken. Will took a step toward where Jack lay and bent down. It wasn't hard to miss how the pirate captain shrank away. After making sure that he wasn't going to lash out Will carefully picked Jack up. He let out a whimper as his wrist was released but then remained still. Letting out a breath he hadn't realised he was holding will took his captain to Jack's cabin laying him on the bed.

"Something's just not right." He said turning to the others

"He will tell you when he is good and ready" Annamaria told him "pushing him to hard will just make him back away more"

She was right, they all knew it. But the question was, how much longer could Jack go with this tearing at his heart and mind before he would never be able to love life as he had before.

"Ill stay with him tonight" she continued and after exchanging glances will, Elizabeth and Gibbs left the cabin.

Anna sighed and turned to look at Jack. Where most may only see a dirty scrubby pirate, she saw a beautiful man. His features were such that if he cared about his appearance he would be a man the ladies of high class fawned over. The way he moved and spoke the way he stood at the helm seemingly content and now the way he lay so still so defenceless made so many feelings rise up inside her. It hurt her to see him in so much pain knowing that she could do nothing but wait and hope. Gently she bandaged his wrist, it didn't look broken so was probably just fractured but still would take a time to heal. Another injury to give him trouble, she had heard him before now, cursing as stiffened joints slowed his progress. Only when he was alone did he drop the mask he wore and let the emotion that showed in his eyes paint his face as well

Finally when finished she lay down beside him. falling asleep herself yet waiting for the moment when he would stir and need her.


	24. cry on my shoulder

**Chapter 24 – cry on my shoulder**

Annamaria awoke when the sunlight was just entering the cabin. But that wasn't what had awoken her. Someone had their arm around her waist the weight on her stomach not altogether an unwelcome one and her eyes fluttered open to stare straight into chocolate orbs that she knew so well, chocolate orbs which were truly the window to his soul, chocolate orbs which belonged to the man she trusted beyond all others, her captain, her friend. _Oh buggar_ the realisation hit her and she tried to jump up but the arm around her held her tight despite a hiss of pain coming from its owner.

"It all right Luv" she relaxed in his arms. She had not slept so well in many months and while she wasn't sure weather it was the feeling of being in Jack's arms or simply because she knew he was ok, she wasn't about to let the feeling go. But she also knew now was the time to get some answers from Jack while his defences were down and by the way he was holding her against him he didn't want to let her go either.

"Jack?" she asked tentatively "what happened up on deck last night??"

"Honestly Luv, I don't know. Last thing I remember was falling asleep."

"Were you dreaming?" she asked though from the shouts she had heard she was already fairly certain of the answer.

"When do I not dream? I can try and escape the memories during the day but at night when i'm asleep they come back to haunt my dreams"

This admission startled Annamaria slightly; he spoke with the same vulnerability she had seen in him the previous night.

"What did you dream of?" she asked. It was a long standing tradition that during breakfast if Jack joined the crew there would be telling of some of his more humorous dreams from the night. Annamaria was never quite sure if he remembers all his dreams with such clarity or of many were filled with the product of his slightly overactive imagination.

"Things didn't quite happen the way I told. I haven't seen Mathew Hudson since that day but we parted under much different circumstances. I still have the scars from john's assault. I remember in my mind I was walking, and as I walked it grew darker. I didn't want to keep walking but I had no choice. It was as though some one was pushing me. But then the sun rose and it wasn't so dark but still I couldn't see. Then I remember opening my eyes as the light was blinding and he had Elinor a pistol to her head. He yelled something I couldn't understand and then he shot her. Right there, right then, he shot his own sister through the head. And I didn't do anything to stop him, I promised to protect her with my life yet why am I still living though she is dead."

There were tears shining in his eyes as he gazed at the ceiling as though seeing the events unfold in his mind. His arm still holding her close she reached up and wiped them from his eyes bringing his attention back to her.

"The next thing I remember I was back aboard The Black Pearl – the young maid of the Hudson house caring for me. At first I didn't want to live. The thrill of piracy was tarnished with guilt. It was because I was a pirate she died, because I was to much of a coward to tell them from the beginning that she didn't get a chance to experience all that life could be. It took me weeks to recover and at night the things I has seen were inescapable. For once I cursed the way my mind would fill in what I couldn't see. I would not wish what I saw in my mind upon even my worst enemies."

Tears stained his face now, years of guilt and sorrow that had been buried brought to the surface. Annamaria was unsure of how to react to the sudden openness of her captain. She didn't think any less of him for it but was unsure if he wanted her to acknowledge that he had dropped his guard and revealed the real Jack sparrow.

"it wasn't until a few months later I first heard word of Mathew. At first I wasn't sure if what I heard was simply rumours exaggerated as they passed from person to person, I didn't want to hear the stories of how my Elinor died so I ignored the stories. However, I could not afford to stay ignorant for long, being a pirate the navy would not hesitate to hang me if caught luckily no one would start a wild goose chase after The Black Pearl but it appeared that someone placed such a great price on my head they were willing to hunt me down. I was accused of not only piracy but also murders. Three murders in fact. That of Elinor Hudson but also of Jonathon Hudson – it appeared that john, after realising what he had done, had shot himself. however The story goes that I wanted to marry elinor for money – her father and brother were rising in the merchant class- and when my plan was uncovered I killed both her and her brother and ran off with the maid who had ben helping me and was my pirate whore. "

He stopped as though the words he wanted to say were too painful to be said. It was obvious that these were words never spoken before the secret a man keeps deep within himself as not to let it consume him. Slowly Annamaria sat up against the wall of the cabin, Jack who still held her in his arms was forced to either sit up as well or let go, so he sat to bringing her head to rest on his shoulder. Her presence kept him in reality giving him an anchor in the present, comforting him whist also giving him strength.

"Whose was the third life Jack?" she asked

"She was with child." The words were barley more than a whisper but they were enough for Annamaria to understand the full weight of what Jack had lived with for so many years. He blamed himself for no only the death of his loved one but the death of his child as well. He may be the most feared pirate captain in the Caribbean but his heart was greater than any man, pirate or gentleman, she had ever met and living with the blood of his own child on his hands, even if he only believed him to be the reason they both died, was enough to kill him inside.


	25. pencive moments

**Chapter 25 – pensive moments **

There had been times in his life when Captain Jack sparrow had longed for death, longed for the pain to stop and to be consumed by the darkness. The first when his mother had died, then again when he first felt the spreading cold after taking a bullet, finally on The Pearl after Elinor death. However Captain Jack sparrow was still living, he had survived if only to get revenge apart from to get revenge for his lover's death Jack would have to punish himself. Though he had suffered at the hands of john, the loss of his lover and father figure had caused him pain and he was tormented in his dreams he still punished himself further. He had vowed to never love another, to never give himself the happiness that was only found with those you loved.

He had not admitted his feelings for Annamaria – he did not know what those feelings were only that they existed. He had told her of the crimes he had committed. In the end it came to the fact that he had been the true murderer and she wasn't repulsed by his past. In fact for a long time she had sat with him while he let his mind wander before the call for breakfast sounded and the ship was a hive of activity pull the two back to reality. Jack went to the helm and Annamaria to delegate chores for the day. Nothing was said but enough was communicated for the pair to know that they had something. The only problem was could Jack break his vow to never love another and risk betrayal by probing into his feeling for Anna?

After the crew had left to do there assigned tasks only Anna, and Elizabeth were left in the gallery.

"Where did you disappear off to last night, I wanted to talk to you but couldn't find you anywhere" Elizabeth asked as she began to gather bowls and spoons. "You were the maid weren't you, the one who helped him?"

"he doesn't know" was enough of an answer "he was so happy with Elinor, so full of life, its rare to see such happiness and I didn't want the young man who had taught me how to love life to die, when he was better the captain wouldn't let me stay I was dropped off in a random port with enough money to keep me for life. It didn't take long for me to settle down but it wasn't the life I wanted. I longed for the freedom I had found on the sea, the friendship I had found in Jack, the monotonicity of the normal life drove me crazy. So I disguised myself as a boy and learnt everything just to earn a place on The Black Pearl which Jack had quickly become captain of. That was almost 6 years later and he didn't recognise me"

"Are you still just friends or do you want something more? Do you love him?" It was clear to people on the outside that there was something more to their relationship but did they know it themselves.

Anna didn't reply she sat on the bench where Jack would have normally sat, back against the wall knees up to her chest.

"How did you know you loved will?" she finally asked.

If the question surprised Elizabeth she didn't let it show

"I wanted to be with him, to protect him, to see laughter in his eyes, to share every moment with him good and bad, I felt shy around him yet at the same time entirely at ease, I wanted to trust him, tell him my darkest secrets and my dream, but most of all I simply felt it, like I had never felt before."

"Pirates don't love. He would never feel the same way back" Anna said bluntly and walked out the room leaving Elizabeth to her thoughts. It wasn't hard to notice that the relationship betweens captain and helmswoman wasn't just the professional one nor was it a friendship however deep but neither were willing to admit they loved the other.

Jack had been through so much he deserved to have to love of another and have someone he loved. But could he survive another heartbreak. A pirate ship was a dangerous place either could be killed but neither couldn't live on the sea, that would be as bad as killing them. Sometimes Elizabeth wandered if Jack had ever done something to deserve the life he had, was all the misery, pain and suffering he had endured the price of the freedom he felt.

He had once said to her that The Black Pearl was freedom, and his freedom was his life. There was nothing he wouldn't do for the freedom offered to him, no price to high, no danger to great and yet Elizabeth couldn't help but wander if a life on land would have been filled with less heartache for Captain Jack Sparrow. While she was a little girl she had plenty of time to let her mind wander, the boring daily tasks of a high class lady made bearable by the thoughts of pirates and their adventures but never had she thought of a pirate's heart and what it must endure. She had always seen pirates as taking everything they wanted but now she saw there was something that you simply couldn't take. You had to be given them for either they were intangible or if you took them all meaning was lost. And now Jack had been given a second chance for love, one he deserved, but would he be bale to seize it and realise the precious gift he had been given.


	26. living again

Chapter 26 – living again

That day captain Jack sparrow felt different than he had during the long train of worthless days which had been dragging on after his time with Mathew. He had told Annamaria the truth, he hadn't felt as though he could live much longer keep it a secret from the world, the captain Jack sparrow façade has been harder to maintain each day. Some may consider Jack sparrow a now broken man, his barriers had been knocked down but he felt better for it. Something that he had not been expecting.

So the morning 3 weeks after being rescued from The Phoenix there was a noticeable change in captain jack sparrow. The old captain was back. Laughing joking, unpredictable but just below the surface lay the real man who not so long ago would have been buried for no one to even glimpse. Jack had even eaten breakfast with the crew giving a vivid recountal of a dream he had apparently had the night before which involved will being eaten by over sized sword bearing turtle for stealing their rum.

The day went on as so many had before Mathew had become a part of Jack's life again however during the day there was something niggling him in the back of his mind. Something still wasn't right but it wasn't until the late afternoon Jack realised what it was. He had never asked what had happened to the phoenix. Was Mathew still alive, would he still be looking for Jack and how much longer would it be. He would never have any vengeance for the death of his wife to be and unborn child but there was defiantly someone who deserved to pay for the torture Jack had received for one crime he didn't commit. Yes he may be to blame, it was his fault but he wasn't the one who pulled the trigger. He saw that now, that he was the indirect cause of Elinor's death and may have prevented it but he hadn't been the one who was cruel hearted enough to knowingly kill her.

Later that evening Jack snuck up behind Annamaria as she finished checking the lamps. This had the desired effect, as she span round to confront whoever was behind her she landed in his arms. This was a feeling Jack liked.

"What happened to the phoenix luv?" he asked. Anna had been expecting this sometime, she had often thought that maybe they should have set the phoenix alight while they had the chance. But other things had been on everyone minds that night.

"I have no idea" she answered "we left immediately and have heard no word since" Jack would sense if she was lying it was one of the things that made some of his stranger plans work – he had an intuitive sense of people.

Jack thought for a moment before looking at her in the eye, the mischievous grin on his face indicating that once again he had a plan – and a good one at that.


	27. trickery and revenge

Chapter 27 – trickery and revenge

Annamaria had learnt not to worry when Jack had a plan, despite the risk sometimes involved and the general madness behind most of his plans she had learnt to trust him. Jack may take risks but he would go to great lengths to ensure the safety of someone else it was when it came to Jack taking care of Jack he wasn't so attentive.

Of course no one apart from jack would know the entire plan, he would tell them what they needed to know and the crew knew better than to expect more. At the moment they were heading to a port not far from where The Phoenix had last been seen. Word on the wind was they had been in a storm and captain Hudson was looking for more crew before setting out again. It was also known that while he was particular about the people he chose he was paying a lot for good sailors. There was feeling upon The Pearl that this had something to do with jacks plan.

There suspicions were confirmed a few days later, they were due to dock that evening and jack gathered a few crew members in his cabin. Glancing around Anna noticed that they were the crew which had been with jack the longest, those fiercely loyal and who would risk their lives for Jack or make his cause their own.

It was a simple plan compared to many before, Jack wanted a short swift fight and the only one he wanted dead was Mathew Hudson. So when they docked that evening 7 of Jack's crew left the pearl in disguise as newly out of work pirates. The plan was to infiltrate the enemy ship. There was so much potential for taking ships down from the inside and there was many advantages however it was a then an uncommon tactic. So when The Black Pearl surprised The Phoenix Captain Hudson would be unprepared to fight without half his crew and disabled cannons.

The plan occupied his thoughts for most of his waking hours, he usually found that when things went wrong it was the ideas that came to him in the situation that were best but that didn't stop him from wanting a few back up plans which could be executed quickly by the crew. he wasn't planning on losing, he never did, but there was always that small chance and if he did happen to loose it would be much more bearable if he knew that somewhere nearby he had a crew and his ship waiting for him.

Jack didn't really like the deceitfulness of the plan, he would rather be able to walk right up to Matthew and engage him in a fight to the death –the two of them dealing with old feud. But there was still that chance that he would loose, not a very large chance but it was still there and then what would happen to his crew. Matthew probably despised them firstly for be associates with Jack and secondly for rescuing him of the phoenix. No, for the safety of his crew he would use every bit of cunning he possessed to gain the upper hand. The phoenix had more gun power and a larger crew that the pearl and he didn't want to engage in a long ship to ship fight which while taking away The Phoenix advantage of her cannons it also robbed the pearl of her best weapon – her legendary speed.

At the moment the phoenix outnumbered the pearls crew 3 to 1, the boys he sent over should be able to drug at least half the crew who wouldn't be on watch, some more would probably be injured when the pearl launched her cannons. While the phoenix did have more, heavier cannons he had trained the pearls crew well and they would rarely miss a target. He was mentally measuring the ships and crew against each other under any circumstance which could arise.

He was lucky to have such a loyal, hard working crew. Few had left the original bunch of scallywags old Gibbs had gathered in Tortuga when he was looking for a crew for the interceptor, some had joined when the pearl became more famous. Occasionally he even had old sailors almost begging for a space on his crew and he had heard in Tortuga that it was considered an honour to serve under him, his ship was a pleasure to run, his rule was fair and the plunder magnificent. Did Matthew's crew feel the same? He wandered, how much was he paying them? Was it enough to keep them loyal when they found themselves defenceless to the pearls attack or would the give in. he hoped they would give in, he was after only one man and didn't want any unnecessary deaths.

3 days after the pirates had left for the phoenix Jack was stood at the helm, today was the day. It was just gone 11, all the crew were assembled on deck and in the rigging, numerous weapon glinted in the sun, the sails had been changed, the patchless black both a magnificent sight and terrifying to those who saw them right then they were furled the currents taking the pearl towards the other ship. It was almost time soon they would be upon the phoenix and Jack was just waiting for the opportune moment to make his presence known. He waited patiently for the signal, eyes fixed on The Phoenix, the need for revenge building and then he saw it, the phoenix's lookout had noticed them

"Let her fly lads" he bellowed "run up the Jolly Roger and prepare the cannons"

The sails were released catching the wind and the pearl sped towards The Phoenix, the Jolly Roger flapping in the wind, gun ports were opened and Jack noticed the sudden flurry of activity aboard The Phoenix. Now he could only hope his plan would work and that he could get his revenge on Matthew Hudson before anyone got to him.


End file.
